Where Do I Turn
by RollinsFrostFan
Summary: Season 20 premise, where they said Dr. Al would be back as Amanda's boyfriend. As you will see he hasn't changed and is still an ass. Liv is there to pick up the pieces and help her friend out. Not sure how long this will be. Hope yall like it
1. Chapter 1

_**this takes place in season 20, where Amanda and Dr Al are back together. Not a good thing as she goes through some shit in here. Liv is there for her and they are friends who trust each other. Obviously we don't know if this happens cause season 20 hasn't started yet. But hope yall like and leave a review. Not sure how long this will be**_

To say this year had been tumultuous for Amanda Rollins would be an understatement. Her bad luck as some may call it started back when she and fellow detective Sonny Carisi had travelled to West Virginia. If you had asked her when Carisi first started if they would be close friends she would have asked 'what the hell are you drinking and why aren't you sharing?' But they had gotten close and had a real friendship, she trusted him with alot and the most important thing she trusted him with was her daughter Jesse. On the trip to WV where they were set to bring back at catfisher who had gotten a woman raped by a MMA fighter, things had gone massively downhill. After successfully getting the extradition she, Carisi and a fellow officer that had helped with the extradition went out for some beers at the local bar to celebrate a job well done as well to just kick back and relax. The night then got awkward as they went back to their hotel rooms. Carisi having a bit of a crush on Amanda made a move to kiss her. Amanda not wanting to repeat what had happened between her and Nick brushed it off and said goodnight, leaving Carisi to retreat to his room with a wounded ego. When the next morning came Carisi saw why he had thought Amanda had brushed him off. Not thinking that just maybe she didnt want to complicate a good friendship. He saw that she had a visitor the night before and it happened to be the bartender that had been waiting on them. Ever since then it was awkward as shit between them. The one thing she was grateful for was that he was there for Jesse. But their friendship had taken a hit and it was hostile at times for them at work.

Fast forward a few months... Enter in the fact that Amanda had begun seeing someone. Dr. Al. A cardiologist. Noone knew as she had been keeping the relationship as a low profile.

Dating a cardiologist wasnt easy especially when schedules dont mash up. Being a sex crimes detective as well as a single mother sure as hell didnt help. His schedule was just as shitty as hers since mostly he was on call. What she didnt know was the fact he was finding time to be with others and not just her. She had found his credit card receipts one night long after mama and Al spent some quality time together since she had gotten Jesse to bed relatively quickly they took advantage. Of course a couple rounds of sex was enough to tire the doctor out, Amanda being known for her insomniac ways decided to go clean up the living room. As she was picking up his jacket that fell on the floor she saw his wallet had spilled its contents as well. Picking everything up and trying to place it back in the wallet she saw a receipt for a hotel room. She didnt think anything of the hotel room cause she knew he didnt live close to the hospital he worked at. What set her off was the receipt from Studio A. She knew the name sounded familiar but couldnt place it. So the 'detective' in her looked it up on her phone, turned out it was a paid escort service. She felt her blood pressure start to rise. 'How dare he? What the fuck? Mr. I'm busy with work, yeah bullshit...' Amanda being who she was ended up confronting him, demanding an explanation. Oh she got one... Just not the one she needed or wanted. She had let herself start to really care for the guy. She couldnt deal with it so she ended things.

Work was doing her head in. She took her hurt and aggression out on a victim who was an escort, which was very unlike her. Oh she got the repercussions of that. Liv had ripped her a new one. Sad part was Liv was right, she may have been going through something but it wasnt fair to blame the victim. She eventually met up with the victim and apologized. Though the victim had been hurt by Rollins treatment of her, she was receptive to the apology. She even felt for Amanda when Amanda asked her why she wasnt good enough.

It had been some time since she had talked to Dr. Al. Though he had crossed her mind alot, especially for the fact that she doubted herself. Come one someone cheating on you is one thing, yes it's hard to get over but you do. What was the sucker punch was not only was he cheating on her, he was paying for it. What does that do to someone's self-esteem? She went on just as she would and did her thing, going to work and taking care of Jesse. Jesse was the one constant in her life that she knew wasnt going to turn her back.

Then the loss of Esther LaBott. That did alot to her mentally. She had befriended the girl, and all she wanted to do was help her out. Get her and her siblings out of the hell they were living in. The kids were abused by their parents. Bunch of 'bible thumpers' as Amanda called them. The whole case ended up becoming a mass tragedy, as a standoff happened at the LaBott residence and the casualties included Esther herself. The girl that Amanda so desperately wanted to save. Being delivered the fateful blow that she fired the shot that killed the young girl did alot. She lost herself. So instead of succumbing to the vice she had in the past which was gambling she did something else.

"Hi Al it's me. I know you didnt expect to hear from me. But here I am, calling you. Hopefully I'm not going to kick myself for doing this. Can you come over after your shift so we can talk, Please."

Al was not expecting that message. He thought things were done with his detective girlfriend. He admitted to himself he did miss her. Though he wasnt missing her for the reasons she missed him. He missed some of the conversations but what he missed most was the sex. The woman knew tricks in bed that could make his toes curl. He called her back agreeing to meet up.

It had been a few weeks of them working things out. Least to Amanda things were going well. What she didnt know was that good ol Al was back to his tricks. He was lying about his hours at work, saying he was working when in all actuality he really wasnt.

When he was supposed to be working and not realizing his girlfriends boss was there Al showed up with some woman on his arm. Olivia had only seen him maybe once or twice since he and Amanda reconciled so she had to do a double take to make sure that was him, and it was...Only thing was, it wasnt Amanda who he was with. Rafael noticed her just glaring.

"Liv what's up? You're glaring over at the bar like you are ready to rip that guy's throat out. Do you have some sort of a past with him that I'm not aware of?"

Olivia shook her head, "Sorry Rafa. No I don't have a past with him, that's Amanda's boyfriend." Rafael quickly glanced over his shoulder to see the man that Liv was talking about. The guy was tall and very dapper, Rafael would describe him as a pretty boy. "And since she's brunette, that's definitly not Amanda he's locking lips with now." He told Liv not to do anything and he knew that was hard especially since she and Amanda had become good friends. She agreed she couldn't disrespect Amanda by going up to him. So she took a few pics. "I can show her these. I'm going to call her into my office tomorrow and talk to her in private." She and Rafael talked for a little while longer til she had to get home and let Lucy go. Thank God for Lucy, she appreciated everything that woman did for her and her son.

When she got home Lucy filled her in on how Noah and her evening went and that he mentioned he wanted to play with Jesse. She told Lucy that she would get the kids together soon for that. After thanking Lucy and seeing her out she checked on Noah, smiled as her boy cuddled with Eddie, his beloved stuffed elephant. Content that he was sleeping peacefully she went on to change and headed to bed as she was exhausted. She knew what she had to do tomorrow was going to take alot out of her.

She dropped Noah off at school and told him Lucy would pick him up as she would be at work. He asked if she would be home to read to him and she told him of course. He asked about having some playtime with Jesse. "My sweet boy, I'll ask Aunt Amanda about this weekend. Since tonight is Friday maybe I can convince her to come over for a sleep over or at least let Jesse stay over." Noah was content with that. Liv kissed him and let him go off to meet his classmates and teachers.

When she arrived at the precinct she saw Amanda at her desk looking at her phone. She didnt appear to be too happy. Maybe Jesse had a rough night. Just as the guys got there Liv gave them some things to work on.

"Rollins would you come into my office with me please?" Fin looked at Amanda, then at Liv. "Everything okay Liv?" Liv nodded "Yes Fin, just something private I would like to talk to Amanda about." Liv went back into her office. Amanda got up, brushed her hands against her pants and fixed her blazer. She left her phone on her desk.

Amanda walked over to the door of Liv's office, kind of leary at what Liv wanted to talk privately about, she always braced herself incase it was for an ass chewing though she couldnt think of a reason for her to have her ass chewed but with Liv she was never sure. "Come on in Amanda, have a seat." Liv gently closed the door, Amanda had chosen to sit down on the sofa, if she was in for an ass chewing she might as well be comfortable right?

Amanda took a deep breath before she spoke, with a tone of annoyance in her voice. "Look Liv, what's this about? I have work to do." Liv looked at her, twiddling her fingers as she knew she had to tell Amanda but she really didnt know how to tell her at the same time. Her friend, colleague had been through enough already this year. Couldnt she just catch a break? "Amanda there's something important that I need talk to you about, but the more I think about it, this isnt the right place to tell you. Is there any way we can get the kids together to play, leaving us free to talk?" Amanda thought for a minute as Al had text just before she had come in that he was 'on-call' all weekend and probably wouldnt get over to visit.

"Um sure Liv. I guess that would be okay. Jesse's been wanting to play with Noah and Al just told me he's on-call all weekend. Should I pick Jesse up from daycare and head over tonight?"

Liv tried to hide the eye roll as she had was thinking " _on-call all weekend huh? yeah not at the hospital but on-call with his hoes._ " "Sure Amanda that sounds like a plan. I'll text Lucy to let Noah know when she picks him up from school. He's going to be thrilled." Amanda gave a sheepish smile, you could tell she was disappointed but at the same time she expected these ruined plans to happen. Liv picked up on the vibes "Amanda is everything okay?" Amanda chewed her lip, "Yeah Liv, I'm good. Was supposed to see my boyfriend this weekend but apparently he's on call so that wont be happening. It'll be nice to hang out with you outside of work though and let the kids play. It's been a bit." Liv nodded in agreement. They set a time for Amanda to come over and then she went back out to her desk. Seemed her phone had been Grand Central Station with texts from Al.

With the look of disappointment on her face as she told Liv that she was supposed to see Al and it wasnt happening she knew she made the right choice to hold off telling Amanda til they were in more private quarters. Amanda was extremely private and at least if she got upset she wouldnt have to figure out what to tell the guys if she left the office with red eyes from crying or if she was pissed off.

The rest of the day went pretty easy, which was surprising for a Friday. It was Fin's weekend to be on since he was the Sergeant. She figured he'd probably get Carisi to come in and keep him company. Amanda had taken off to go get Jesse. She was looking forward to hanging out with Liv but was disappointed at not seeing Al. They had just gotten back together and here it was again. She decided to text him.

"Al, just wanted to let you know that I'm going over to Liv's tonight. The kids have been asking to play together. Do you think I will get to see you at all this weekend?"

She had gotten to the daycare to pick up Jesse. Jesse squealed when she saw her mama. Amanda loved this reception from her daughter. The teacher told Amanda that Jesse did well played well with the other kids. That made Amanda happy. As they were leaving she told Jesse that they were going over to see Noah. "Yay Mama, I get to see Noah and Aunt Liv. Thank you." Just like that she had made her daughters day. She wondered if she would have a message from Al when she got back to the car.

"Amanda I can try to stop by. Cant promise anything. But if a quickie is promised you may stand more of a chance of seeing me."

Amanda looked at her text as she was gathering clothes for Liv's. _'For fucks sake, Really. That's all he cares about?'_ She wasnt even going to text him back. He just made her mad. She instead text Liv.

"Hey Liv, I'm about to head over with this crazy excited little girl of mine. Do you need anything on my way?"

Liv was happy to see that Amanda was coming over. She just hated the news she was going to bring to her. Maybe she should suggest some wine and beer.

"I have one excited little boy over here as well. If you want to stop and get some wine and beer that would be good. Get enough for the weekend incase we make this a typical weekend playdate. Drive safe."

'Least someone gave a shit and actually wanted to hang out.' Amanda stopped to get the wine and beer, she grabbed some snacks and some special candy treats for the kids.

She was looking forward to this. She got to Liv's bout ten minutes later. Knocking on the door both she and Jesse could hear Liv coming to the door. When Liv opened the door Jesse propelled herself into Liv's arms "Auntie Liv, I missed you." Liv kissed the top of her head and gave her a gentle squeeze before putting her down to go find her playmate Noah.

Amanda put the booze in the fridge and looked at her phone. Good ol Al was texting 'dick pics' on his break, asking her if she could reciprocate. She told him no. He in turn told her she was no fun and now he was going to have get through this shift being sexually frustrated. She sighed and put her phone in her pocket.

Liv looked over at her friend, she could tell something was up. Since Noah had brought Jesse to his room to play she figured she'd ask what was up. "Manda, what's up? You seem kind of down. I know you were disappointed earlier when Al said he was on-call this weekend. Did something else happen?" Amanda shrugged, not wanting to get into the situation while the kids were still up she changed the subject. "How bout we feed the kids and play for a bit, then talk?" Olivia agreed, she didnt want Amanda all tense. They fed the kids, Liv had made some pasta so the kids were happy. They ate, they played and had a huge pillow fight before finally crashing.

Liv chuckled as they began putting the kids to bed. "Hell I dont know where they get all that energy." Amanda kissed Jesse's forehead and told her she loved her. As Liv did the same to Noah, making sure he had Eddie or they wouldnt be getting any kind of sleep. Amanda half smiled "I'll be damned if I know where she gets all her energy from." Liv then suggested they go change and get comfortable now that the kids were asleep and enjoy some adult time. Amanda's phone began going off and it was Al complaining that he was horny and what not, then again he asked her for some "special selfies" to help get him off while on another break. She told him again that she wasnt going to do that. He just said whatever and that he'd come home over on his long break tomorrow.

She went back out to the living room. "Liv I'm grabbing a beer, you want me to bring over your wine and a glass for ya?" Liv nodded yes. Once Amanda got over to the couch, Liv poured her glass of the red liquid she loved at night. She had to deliver this news and was trying to find the easiest way around it. "So Amanda what made you decide to give Al another chance? I'm not condemning you or shaming you, I'm just curious." Amanda took a swig of her beer. She just told Liv that she did like the guy and enjoyed spending time with him even though it never was much time. Since the golden liquid was starting to hit her she was more brazen and open with her answers. "Plus the sex is great." Liv damn near choked on her wine. "Well way to lay it out there Amanda." Amanda laughed "I aint nothin but honest."

They continued to talk more. Liv finally got up her nerve to tell Amanda and show her the pics from the other night. She just didnt want to see her hurt any more by this Al. He didnt deserve her. Amanda and Jesse were too good for him.

"Amanda remember when I asked you to come into my office earlier today?" Amanda had gotten up to grab a new beer, as she closed the fridge she told Liv that she remembered. Liv filled her glass again as she knew she was going to need it after this. "Well there was a specific reason I asked you to come talk to me. Though at the time I couldnt bring myself to tell you there. I wanted to tell you in private."

Amanda scowled in confusion. What could be so important to tell her that she had to actually needed to have her in private. "Okay Liv, well I'm here hanging out and we are in the privacy of your apartment so we cant get anymore private than this." Liv nodded, they were indeed private. "Okay well here it goes. You said Al has been telling you he's been 'on-call'?" Amanda nodded, "Yeah that's what he said for this weekend too. Which is why I'm not with him." Liv clenched her fists quickly and squeezed her eyes shut. "Amanda last night I met up with Rafael for our usual weekly get together since he left. I looked over at the bar and I saw Al, but I didnt see you. He was with another woman. He was quite handsy with her." Amanda's eyes blazed, she was pissed. Not at Liv but.. "Wait what do you mean you saw Al? With another woman too?" Liv pulled out her phone. "I didnt want to tell you this without any proof and trust me I agonized over telling you cause I didnt want to be the one delivering this news." Amanda looked curiously with an eyebrow raised as Liv went to pull her phone out of her pocket. "Wait a minute did you actually go up to him. Liv please tell me you didnt." Liv sighed, "No Amanda I didnt go up to him. I do have respect for you and your feelings. Besides I was with Rafael." Liv had taken her phone out and was scrolling to the pictures she took. Amanda took a sip of her beer. "Then what is it Liv?"

Finally finding the pics she had been scrolling to find. "I took these last night." She handed the phone to Amanda. "There's a few, holding hands, then him having his arms around her, and lastly the kiss. That was no peck on the cheek and trust me, it took everything I had not to go up to him. I wanted to punch his teeth down his throat."

Amanda scrolled through the pics. She was trying to stifle the anger that was building up inside her. Once again she got taken for a fucking fool. Its like"sucker" was written across her forehead. She scrolled through the pics and as she did she felt the tears sting her eyes. She went to speak she felt that lump in her throat so her voice came out soft and choked up "Liv around what time was this, do you happen to remember?" Still having Liv's phone in her hand she got up and began to pace while continuously scrolling through the pics. It was kinda like staring at an accident, you know you just cant stop looking. Liv took a sip of her wine, "Amanda it was around eight thirty something like that." Amanda looked at her "Okay, thanks Liv. Would you mind sending me the pics? When I confront him again this time I want proof." Liv nodded and sent her the pics. She looked over at Amanda who had finally stopped pacing and sat back down. Liv could feel the hurt pouring off her.

Liv waited a few seconds and reached over to put her arm on Amanda's shoulders. "Sweetie what can I do for you?" Amanda wiped her eyes. "There's nothing you can do Liv. This was my stupid ass letting him back into my life. I obviously didnt learn the first time. I do appreciate you telling me in private rather than at the precinct. Do you even know how bad I want to take an Uber to the hospital he is at and confront him?" Liv had begun massaging her back. "I know you do sweetie, but being this upset you are in no condition to go there. He'd just deny it even though you have the proof and that would anger you even more." Amanda shrugged "I deserved this. I shoulda learned especially from the last time. Shit he paid for it then. Liv you must think I'm the biggest ass." Liv shook her head no "Honey I really dont think that. I actually think the opposite, I think he's the biggest ass."

Amanda sat there with Liv rubbing her back, Liv really wanted to pull the upset, trembling blonde into her arms and hold her. She didnt though, she didnt want Amanda to flip. Amanda appreciated the tender touch and understanding. "So I got played again. I just wonder if he really ever gave a shit about me. I cared about him the first time around, and even let myself care this time. Fucking hell I let him around Jesse and in her life. She cant have people coming and going. What the fuck is wrong with me?" Liv had enough, she was tired of hearing Amanda pretty much blame herself for this. She pulled Amanda in her arms giving her a tight hug. "Amanda Rollins you stop this. Stop blaming yourself right now. Dammitt, he is the one to blame. Not you. You gave him a second chance to prove himself." Amanda let herself be held in Liv's arms. It felt good being hugged and held with no expectations. Liv figured she didnt want to talk but wanted the comfort and she was okay with that. She held her for while longer, bout an hour went by and Amanda was still silent. She looked over and Amanda had fallen asleep on her shoulder. Gently as she could she laid Amanda back on the couch, last thing she wanted to do was wake her up. Thankfully she didnt. She pulled the blanket from the top of her couch, covered her friend up, kissed her forehead and turned the light out. She walked into her bedroom leaving the door cracked enough to hear if Amanda needed her and or if the kids woke up.


	2. Confrontation & Understanding

Chapter Two

 **Liv, Im sorry I had to go and take care of this. When I left Jesse and Noah were still sleeping. I'll be back as soon as I can. I cant and wont be stupid any longer. Dont worry I wont get into trouble, this is just something I have to do, I have to prove to myself that I'm not as stupid as I feel I am. I hope you understand. As much as I hate to admit it I may need you to just be there for me later on. Again sorry for just leaving but I needed to. Thanks for being there last night and thanks for taking care of Jesse. -Amanda**

Amanda left that note as she woke up early as fuck, she just couldnt sleep. Thoughts of Al plagued her. What the hell was it with the guy. She wasnt in love with him that was for damn sure. She knew for sure she hated being played and having her feelings played with. Not only that Jesse didnt need to see her mama be treated like damn piece of shit doormat.

"Excuse me I need to see Dr. Al Pollack." The woman at the desk tried telling her that he was busy with a patient. So Amanda used the detective card and told her to get him down there now. The woman didnt want to argue or piss off a detective so she paged him. It took him a few minutes, as he was walking down the hall Amanda could see him adjusting his shirt and running his fingers through his hair so he'd look somewhat refreshed. Oh now she was pissed. Clenching her fists as he got closer.

"Yes, Debbie you paged me down here. What do you need?" Debbie looked at him, she had a wierd feeling that whatever the Detective was here to see him for wasnt going to be good. "Dr. Pollack, that lady over there showed her badge and said she needed to speak to you." He nodded and walked over to Amanda. He attempted to grab her arm, she shrugged him off and hissed " _Dont grab me_ ".

On the other side of town Liv had woken up and seen Amanda's note. She wasnt angry and was happy that she had left Jesse with her, which meant she would come back and they could talk. Plus she did say in the note she was going to need her anyway. She happily gave the kids breakfast and put on some cartoons. Since the kids were snugglers when the cartoons were on they both cuddled on the couch with her. She loved it, sitting in the middle of the two little people who stole her heart.

Al looked at Amanda, she had some balls to show up at his job. Well he did want a quickie so maybe she was going to surprise him. He spoke to her with a gentle tone but it was more condescending. "So what made you decide to show up here Amanda? You could've text me to tell me you were on your way." She looked at him, ooh his condescending tone was pissing her off. Taking a deep breath "Is there a room we can go to that's private?" He nodded and smiled. She added "No I'm not here for that." When she said that he kind of scowled he was really frustrated and needed to release the tension.

Finally getting a room that was private he once again tried to persuade her for a quickie. "Aw come on baby. You know I'm frustrated you sucking me off can relieve that." She heard enough instead of telling him no she slapped him across the face. That set him off "What the fuck was that about babe?" She scowled at him "Didnt ya get your rocks off last night? From what I saw you sure as hell were on your way. 'Mr I'm on call all weekend but yet you were at the bar last night with some fucking tramp." He looked at her knowing he had been caught but couldnt figure out how. Trying to hug her and she backed away "Baby I was here all night, I've been waiting to be with you." Oh and now he was boldfaced lying to her. She wanted to hit him again but she didnt. She didnt want to be escorted out. "Look you lying son of a bitch, can you just fucking tell me the damn truth." He looked at her, still not wanting to man up. "Look Amanda I dont appreciate the way you are talking to me and acting towards me so if you dont want to end up single you need to apologize." Oh that did it. She was done. "I NEED TO APOLOGIZE? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU MUST BE FUCKING JOKING RIGHT?" She took out her phone, pulled up the pics that Liv had sent to her phone. She showed them to him.

"Working right? On-call right? BULLFUCKING SHIT! YOU LYING SACK OF SHIT. I'M DONE, WE ARE DONE. YOU CAN HAVE THE HOES. SHIT SHE LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING CHARITY CASE."

He looked at her, he hadnt expected her to have proof. "You're really gonna end it over that. How do I know that shit aint from months ago when we werent together?" Amanda grinded her teeth and growled "Cause my boss is who fucking saw you and that hussy last night. She was at the bar with the prior ADA having a drink and chatting and she saw you. She fucking saw you. We have always had a rocky relationship but she wouldnt be a bitch and make this shit up. She couldnt anyways cause there's the pics. You've made me look stupid again. I'm done. I dont need this shit. I dont need this shit around my daughter. I dont need you." She threw her hands up and walked away. Fucking hell this hurt, but she wouldnt and couldnt let him see her cry. She needed to keep her pride in tact.

When she had gotten back to Olivia's, she had just gotten the kids down for a nap. Olivia looked at her. She was curious to know how things went, though with Amanda's expression she knew it hadnt gone well. "Honey I know you're upset right now. So I'm not gonna ask. Instead I'm just gonna let you know that I am here if you need me. But with regards to that, yeah it's early afternoon why dont you go take a hot shower or a hot bath and relax." Amanda nodded. "That sounds good, a hot shower may relax me. You sure you dont mind? You've had the kids all morning." Olivia smiled. The kids had been fine and she enjoyed them.

Amanda went to take her hot shower. Of course Al began texting her. Liv wanted to delete the texts, better yet she wanted to tell him to go find the slut from the other night and fuck off. She didnt though cause that was Amanda's phone and business. Amanda was relaxing in the shower. The hot water cascading down her body, hitting those tense muscles. Just felt really good. Her tears came hard as well. She wasnt sure why she was crying but it was some sort of release. Maybe she just needed to really let go. She just didnt want to look anymore like an ass. She was a grown fucking woman for christsakes that fell not once for this pricks lies but twice. Oh how fucking stupid she felt. She stayed in the shower for sometime, just letting it all out. It was better doing it in here than in front of anyone, last thing she needed was anyone's pity. Since the kids were up and Liv had them occupied, seemed that Noah knew how to make his own slime. Liv figured what the hell, it wasnt that messy and he could keep Jesse entertained.

She decided to walk down and see if Amanda had gotten out of the shower. She still heard the water running and she heard the choked sobs of her friend. She knocked on the door. "Amanda you okay? You've been in there quite some time and I just wanted to check on you." Amanda turned off the shower. Her voice still choked with unshed tears "Yeah Liv, I'm good. Just getting out." Amanda got out. Dried and dressed herself. She came out of the bathroom feeling somewhat refreshed. Jesse her baby girl came running over to her with a handful of slime. "Mama, Mama Auntie Livia let me and Noah make slime. Noah showed me how to make it." Amanda chuckled. "That's pretty cool baby girl." Hugging her she lead her back over to the table. "My babygirl I dont think Auntie Livia wants that stuff all in her carpet. Keep it on the table with Noah okay." She kissed her forehead and went to sit down.

The kids played for hours with the slime. Amanda was surprised it kept their attention for so long. Liv looked at Amanda as she sat down, she couldnt say the woman was broken but she was definitly hurting. She didnt talk about the meeting. She'd wait til later when the kids were in the room and settled for the night.

Noah broke the silence "Mama are Auntie Amanda and Jesse staying again? I really hope so." Liv chuckled, "My sweet boy, it's not polite to talk about people when they are sitting right here. You can ask Auntie Amanda." Noah looked down sheepishly, he had meant no disrespect to his aunt, he was just excited they were here. "I'm sorry Aunt Amanda. I just wanted to know if you and Jesse were staying again. I like it alot when you and Jesse spend time with mommy and me." Amanda smiled, this boy and his smiles. "Sweet boy as your mama calls you. We love spending time with you and your mommy as well. Plus it was pretty much planned that Jesse and I were gonna spend the weekend cause you guys hadnt had a play date in a while. Your mama and I thought this would be a great day to make up for it." Noah smiled. "It is Auntie, It is."

The kids played, even Amanda got in on the slime making, the kids found this awesome. She even arranged an attack on Olivia with slime. Hopefully she wouldnt get angry but she had to get the kids laughing and let them see she wasnt a stick in the mud. Her plan was to get Liv out on the patio and the kids just fire off. She ushered the kids outside telling Liv they wanted some fresh air. Liv thinking nothing of it was like okay. Bout ten minutes later Amanda came in coaxing Liv outside saying the kids made something in the yard. "Aww come on Liv the kids are playing so nicely outside and it's gorgeous out here." Liv shaking her head, she kinda thought something was up but wasn't sure and she didnt want to hurt the kids feelings by not coming out. Once she got out there it was on the kids throwing the spare slime. Amanda laughed her ass off. Oh she lost her shit with Liv's playful squeals. So whilst she was doing that and trying to catch her breath from all her laughter which Liv thought was hilarious and the blonde needed it. She got the kids ready to firebomb her. She called "Oh Amanda honey look what Jesse's doing" Liv knew that would get her and it did. Amanda looked "Jesse baby girl what did you want... splat splat splat Amanda was bombed with the slime. She smirked and looked at Liv laughing. "Damn you Liv, you set me up." Liv smiled and winked "No worse than you setting me up." They laughed, the kids were loving it. After a little while of the 'outdoor slime play' they got the kids inside and cleaned up, themselves too. Liv ordered pizza for dinner. The kids barely made it through the pizza before getting tired enough to start crashing. Liv looked at Amanda "I think its sleepy time for the slimers. Dont you think?" Amanda smiled "Yeah that slime war wore me out." Both the kids yawned and hugged their moms. Bringing the kids to Noah's room they went through the whole bedtime routine. It didnt take too long for the kids to crash out for the night. They had a good day, fun day with each other and thats what kept them happy.

Liv poured herself a glass of wine, and cause she had some whiskey left over from the last slumber party weekend she brought the bottle of that over, with some shot glasses and a bottle of beer for Amanda. She had a feeling she was gonna need it. Just as she got over to the couch Amanda's phone went off

 **Amanda we need to talk. That stunt you pulled at work today wasnt cool. I damn near got suspended cause 'my girlfriend' couldnt keep herself in check. You owe me an apology for causing a scene at my job and embarrassing me. I work at a hospital for christssakes not a damn bar you cant do that. I have a reputation.**

Amanda saw the text and the angry tears started. "Fuck the beer, I'm going for the hard shit." She poured two shots and downed them within seconds. Liv took a sip of her wine. "Amanda did he text you?" Amanda looked over, her eyes glossed over with tears, anger and hurt. Drinking probably wasnt the smartest idea for second night in a row, but maybe she would at least open up. Amanda's phone lay in the middle of them and it began to buzz again with an incoming call this time. "Dr. Al calling" Liv saw it going off, hoping Amanda wasnt going to answer it she still gently asked. "Amanda do you need to take that? I can go in my room and give you some privacy." Amanda shook her head, "Why so he can bullshit me some more. I dont wanna hear any more of his lies." Liv nodded she could understand the blondes hurt. He hurt her quite a bit. Amanda got fed up since he had tried calling again she text him.

 **FUCK OFF. Quit calling and texting. I didnt answer cause I am done. So fuck you and take a long walk off a short pier.**

Liv looked at Amanda, she wanted to help her friend. She was just stuck, she didnt know what to do for her. She reached out and put her hand on her friends thigh. Amanda patted her hand. She appreciated the support. "Liv I thought he changed. I actually thought he cared. But once again I let my impulsitivity win over." Liv leaned back on the couch, she gently pulled Amanda back with her. "Honey, it isnt wrong to give someone a chance. You thought he had changed." Amanda gave a dry chuckle "Yeah and look where that got me. But I understand, trust that. I know for one I come off as a cold bitch that has no feelings." Slouching her shoulders she let her vulnerability show. "But the thing is I'm not a cold bitch. I have feelings and I can be hurt, just like I am now." Amanda abruptly got up and started pacing. She was afraid of showing any more vulnerability as she didnt want to be hurt anymore.

Liv let her pace a for a few moments. She knew Amanda needed to get this pent up energy out. She saw the balled up fists and Amanda rolling her eyes to keep tears back. She tried speaking in a gentle tone. "Manda sweetie dont let him get you like this. You are a beautiful woman. You can and will find better." Amanda laughed in disbelief. She knew Liv wasnt a liar but with all that just happened she wasnt believing it. "Look Liv, I dont wanna be rude but I know you're just saying that cause you're my boss and friend. Trust me I appreciate it thats for sure, but it's not going to help the lonely nights."

Liv just wanted to comfort her friend, maybe they could end each others lonely nights. For some reason her feelings were starting to get more personal towards Amanda. Maybe it was the protectiveness in her to want her safe and happy. Maybe it was the fact that they acted like a normal little family on the weekends they spent together.


	3. Needing Comfort

Liv looked over at Amanda. The woman was mentally and physically drained. She had given this man another chance, she had let him into her heart as well as her life and Jesse's. Oh she wanted to rip this guy a new ass. He had hurt her dear friend and made her question herself not once but fucking twice and she was pissed. Her friend was a good person and she sure as hell didnt need to be second guessing herself or doubting her abilities as a woman, girlfriend, and lover. She could see Amanda start to doze but also could see the hhurt fluttering in her eyelids. Usually when they had their sleepovers Amanda stayed on the couch but Liv didnt think she wanted that tonight, she wanted the blonde with her.

She got up gently, walked over to the blonde who had fallen asleep and tapped her hand. "Hey sweetie come on. I dont wanna leave you out here alone." Amanda looked at her "But Liv I usually sleep out here when we have sleepovers with the kids." Liv took her hand and rubbed it gently. "Granted yes that's what usually happens but for some reason I prefer to have you close to me tonight. Blame the shit he said and put you through but I cant for the life of me let you sleep out here alone."

Amanda hung her head. Her damn emotions all over the place. She felt like a first class ass and failure for letting this guy in her life not once but twice. The old saying goes ' _fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.'_ Oh he wasnt getting a third time to fool her. Her heart couldnt take it anymore. She second guessed herself enough as it was and to be honest she shouldnt have to. She was a good looking woman, damn good at her job, and was a fantastic mom to Jesse. Thats what meant to her. But right now she wasnt feeling like a good looking woman cause all the shit he did made her feel unpretty. She felt something must have been wrong with her since he chose to pay for it then come to her.

She let Liv put her hand on her back and walked with her to the bedroom. The warmth on her back felt nice. She didnt feel like she was putting Liv out at all. She had forgotten her pajamas out in her bag so she excused herself to go get them. Liv took this time to get herself ready for bed, she figured too that Amanda may have needed a few minutes to herself which she understood. She'd let the blonde come to her if she needed. She didnt mind giving the comfort. She pulled her pillow up against her headboard and opened up her book, she didnt want Amanda to be uncomfortable when she walked in nor did she want her to feel like she kept her from her routine. While Amanda was out getting her pajamas she decided to check her phone. Just as she thought, Al was blowing up her phone. She was just done, at her breaking point. She sent this final message

 _"Al- We are officially done. I gave you the second chance and you blew it. I was dumb enough to succumb to taking you back once. I am not going to do it again. I'm dumb but I'm not fucking stupid. Go find your hoes, or your escorts to get you off since you like to pay for it. Leave me be. I'll warn you, you keep harassing me and blowing up my phone I will get in touch with your supervisor and you wont have to worry about a suspension cause I will have you fired. Now you can go fuck yourself and I can go on and forget I ever gave you the time of day."_

Walking back to the bedroom she felt a bit of peace washing over her. Like hopefully this time of telling him off he'd finally get the damn hint. Liv took her glasses off and laid her book on her lap. She looked at Amanda "Sweetie you doin okay?" Amanda nodded. She closed her eyes and sat on the side edge of the bed. Liv waited, she knew Amanda wasnt one to be pushed. Out of knowhere her shoulders slumped down and Liv could feel the shaking of the bed. She knew Amanda was crying. Liv moved closer trying not to invade the smaller woman's space. She placed her hand on Amanda's back gently, leaving it still for a few moments so she could get used to the feeling. Since Amanda hadnt shrugged her hand off she started rubbing her back gently. Amanda who really wasnt used to the gestures turned unexpectedly and next thing Liv knew the blonde was in her arms crying on her shoulder. " _Why did he have to do this? Why wasnt I enough?"_ Then the words that broke Liv's heart. _"Why am I unworthy of love from a partner? All I want is to be loved and yes I know Jesse loves me. But I want the love I would get from a lover... guess I'm not deserving of that. My mother was right on that one."_ Liv held her tighter. "Honey that's so far from the truth. You are plenty enough. He fucked up honey, not you. You deserve love sweetie." Amanda swatted away a tear. She spoke with a tear-filled voice " _if you say so. Apparently the one good thing I was good at was getting fucked. Hey maybe we could fuck and then see if you need to go pay for services since I'm not able to do that right anymore."_ Next thing Liv knew Amanda's lips were on hers, the soft lips begging for access, wanting to feel something other than the hurt she was feeling right now.

 **What will happen next? Will Liv kiss her back? Will she pull away? Will Amanda run into the other room? We shall see... open for comment...**


	4. Admitting Things

**_Liv let the kiss continue a little bit. Amanda needed to feel and she didnt have the heart to stop her. Her friend needed to feel wanted, and beautiful. Most importantly she needed to feel beautiful. Her self esteem had taken a hit and Liv not only knew but she understood as well._**

The kiss broke easily, both of them needing air; Amanda shook her head, eyes wide as saucers. Her mind racing with a million thoughts all at once. Most prominent was the kiss. Looking over at Liv she could see the brunette had a faint blush and her lips were still plump from their kiss. " _Oh shit, oh shit, oh fuck._ " Nerves kicked in, Amanda was internally chastising herself for initiating the kiss. She wound herself up so much she stuttered when she spoke, " _I'm... I'm... I'm... Sorr... Sorr... Sorry...Liv..._ " She began to fidget and play with her fingers, thinking how stupid she was for acting on her impulsitivity. Liv touched her arm gently and spoke with a tender voice "Honey Im not angry. You have nothing to be sorry for." Amanda let the tears fall, she was way past humiliation now anyway. Come on she just kissed her boss, one of her best friends. "Uh I'll go collect Jesse and her things. I dont want to make you feel any more awkward." Amanda stood up, rubbing her hands on her face, her shoulders still quaking with tears that hadnt been shed yet. Liv wasnt going to let her leave. For one this woman needed her, the kiss it happened, it didnt mean she was going to kick her friend and her daughter out especially at this hour. She got up off her bed and came over to where Amanda was just standing. Liv reached out and grabbed Amanda's hand. "Honey you are not leaving. You did nothing wrong." Amanda looked at Liv, the fear and hurt clearly evident in her eyes. Her voice cracking as she spoke "Liv...but...I..." Liv put her other hand on Amanda's shoulder , "Amanda relax honey it's just us here. You dont have to be in 'fight or flight' mode. You are safe, we can talk about it. I think that kiss happened because you needed some sort of a connection. I'm not upset. So please sweetie, come back and lay back down."

Amanda let Liv lead her back to the bed, sitting down with the upset blonde she tried to coax her gently to talk. _Was Amanda second guessing herself? Was she second guessing the kiss? Liv hoped she wasnt. The kiss was nice, Liv hadnt felt a connection like that before. The only question she had was; was Amanda attracted to her?_ Answers she'd get in time. Right now was getting the young blonde calmed down and out of the fight or flight mode. Liv moved her hands from holding the blonde that was shaking to her back and was doing gentle ministrations, hoping to relax her friend. "Hey sweetie, you want some tea? Would that help to relax you at all?" Amanda took a deep breath, _hot tea wasnt what calmed her down. She was going to have to take it though cause what really calmed her down there was no way she was getting. Sex was the big thing that calmed her down. Probably why she and Al had so much sex. Anyone in their right minds knew that a job in sex crimes was exceptionally stressful so when her and Al got together and Jesse was in bed they were lucky that nothing broke._ "Sure Liv, tea sounds like it might work."

Liv went out and made them some tea. She saw something trigger off in Amanda's eyes and couldnt figure out what it was. She was dying to know if Amanda was attracted to her, because if she was honest with herself she hadnt been this attracted to a woman since Alexandra Cabot. The only thing with them, was she had never acted on her impulses. There was just alot of sexual tension between them. When she walked back in the room she saw Amanda staring out her window. The blonde was in her own little world. Liv took the minute as she placed the teas on the nightstand to look at Amanda. She really was a beautiful woman. She had gorgeous legs in which you could tell she worked out and kept in shape. Beautiful long golden blonde hair, and those eyes. She couldnt forget those stunning cobalt blue orbs. Liv spoke softly as to not spook the already timid blonde. "Amanda, sweetie drink some of the tea maybe it will make you relax." Amanda took a sip, this wasnt going to make her relax. After putting her cup on the window sill she spoke. "Thank you Liv for the tea. I think I should go out on the couch and let you get some sleep. I'm too wound up. Besides I dont want to make another mistake." Liv wanted to get this woman to sit so they could talk. She walked over to the window where Amanda was still standing. In Liv's mind if this escalated into intimacy between them she wasnt going to view it as a mistake as she did have some feelings toward the blonde, she wondered if Amanda had some feelings or attraction as well. "Amanda that kiss wasnt a mistake okay. It happened, you dont see me running do you? You and Jesse werent kicked out on your ass were you?" Amanda shook her head no. Liv this time took Amanda's hand and led her over to the bed so they could sit.

Amanda sat down, Liv sat right next to her. They needed to talk, better yet Liv just needed one question answered and then the night could take whatever turn Amanda felt she needed. Liv gently rested her hand on Amanda's shoulder, where Amanda was stubborn and didnt want to let Liv see her cry she kept her head down. Liv got a lil frustrated and ever so gently she cupped Amanda's chin to get her to look at her. "Amanda the reason I can say you're beautiful is cause I think you are. As a matter of fact I havent been able to keep my eyes off you." Amanda couldnt believe what she was hearing, not to mention she was wondering if she was in fact hearing what she thought she was hearing. She was hearing that Liv was attracted to her. She decided she was going to ask a vague question and see what kind of answer she got. She herself had a bit of an attraction but she didnt want to admit it without being sure of Liv's feelings. She already had enough of her feelings being onesided and misconstrued she didnt want that anymore. "Liv I'll be honest, if I am to stay in here all night in your bed, things may happen. I tend to want and even need sex when I'm like this. I dont want to ruin our friendship." When she looked over she saw that Liv hadnt moved away from her. Infact if anything Liv had pulled her closer. The close proximity of the woman she was attracted to made Liv's voice husky "Amanda I whatever is meant to happen will. Whatever happens I think will most likely bring us closer together. I'm attracted to you. I think thats a big reason why I couldnt stand your now ex. He wasnt worthy of you. He obviously didnt appreciate or value the beautiful woman he had before him."

Amanda shook her head, a bit confused as granted she was very attracted to Liv but was shocked to hell to find the feelings were infact reciprocated. Liv wanted to show her how she indeed felt. Liv did the only thing she felt was right to her in this moment. She gently cupped the blondes chin and brought her lips to Amanda's and kissed her. Gently at first and then growing more needy when Amanda kissed back and deepened the kiss. The kissing went on for a few moments, more heated with hands caressing one another. Neither of them getting enough of the touch. The need for skin on skin was real. Amanda had to put a stop to it before they went any further. Breaking the kiss yet again and scooting away she saw Liv's eyes they were so dark they were black with lust. Liv cocked her head at her "Why did you stop and pull away? Did I do something wrong?" Amanda shook her head once again "no". "Liv I cant do this." After saying that she got up and went out to the living room. She didnt want to use the woman for a night of passion after a break up, she was growing feelings for Liv and this wasnt the way she wanted this to happen. Liv gave her a few moments so they both could collect themselves. Something was shifting between them.

 ** _So who is going to approach who first? Will Amanda come back into Liv's bedroom? Will Liv go out to the living room? We do know now that they are both attracted to one another. What will happen? Will they be intimate? Going to work on the next chapter. As always reviews are great and even sometimes the ideas go the way the reviews want.. Should good ol Al make an appearance? Should Liv go visit the doc herself and tell him to leave Amanda alone?_**


	5. A Different Type Of Intimacy

**_Since both of them shared that stubborn streak it took a little bit longer for each of them to reach out to the other. Liv being the older one, and it was her apartment after all decided to go out to Amanda. When she walked out to the living room she found it to be quiet. When she got closer to the couch she had found that since Amanda was sleeping alone she had taken off her shorts and had on just a tank top. This woman was friggen stunning and to be honest the kissing and little bit of touching had left Liv a tad bit turned on. Amanda though asleep had been fighting off being horny as all hell. She could feel eyes on her, sitting up, feeling her strap slipping down she fixed that._**

"Liv what are you doing out here? I came out here cause I um..." Sudden bit of shy embarrassment came over her. Why she didnt know. She wasnt ashamed she was in a mood for sex, but she also didnt want to overstep her boundaries with Liv. Liv put her hand on Amanda's she herself was in the mood for more but she wasnt as vocal as Amanda. Liv wordlessly pulled Amanda to her feet. Amanda protested a little bit. Liv continued to gently pull her back to her bedroom, back to her bed. Once they got in there Amanda looked at Liv. Her voice shaky and husky "Liv I stayed away cause I am feening sex. I need it to calm myself down tonight." Liv pulled Amanda to her "Hey Manda... next thing Amanda knew Liv's lips came crashing onto hers. Apparently with this kiss Amanda wasnt the only one who was in a ' _mood_ '.

Amanda kissed her back with a fevered passion. She really wanted this woman in front of her. The woman who she felt would accept her flaws and all. Liv broke the kiss as she needed air, leaving Amanda panting as well as herself. Amanda looked up at her her blue orbs showing a lot of feelings a mix of hurt, asking for comfort, confusion, fear and of course lust. As much as she wanted Liv and wanted the intimacy she was scared. Clearing her throat she spoke with a husky tone "Liv I cant bear it if we continue things here and after you regret it. We have come so far in our friendship, I dont want to lose that more importantly I dont want Jesse to lose you or Noah." Liv pulled her into a tight hug. "Honey youre not going to lose me, Jesse isnt going to lose me or Noah either. I wont regret this, I kind of wonder if it may bring us closer together." Liv took Amanda's hand leading her back to the bedroom. She knew what was going to transpire and she wasnt hesitant at all. She wanted to bond with Amanda and this seemed to be the way to make that happen. She could show Amanda she'd be able to accept her for who and what she was good and or bad. She wanted Amanda to know she cared deeply and this would be the way to show her. Liv got them into her bedroom, closing the door behind them she turned back around and kissed Amanda again, tugging at Amanda's shirt to get it off. Amanda nipped at Liv's lips before breaking apart. She was turned on immensely. She had to ask though, had to know "Olivia are you sure you want to do this?" Liv gently caressed Amanda's face. "I wouldnt be kissing you if I didnt. Amanda you need this, let me give it to you. Let's bring us closer."

They made out for some time, kissing and gentle touches. Both of them so wet it wasnt funny. Liv had never thought of Amanda in this way until recently. First she hated her and now she couldnt get enough of her. Amanda had always fancied Liv, but hid it well. What noone really knew was Amanda infact favored the company of both men and women. Now as they were kissing on the bed Liv pulled Amanda atop of her. Kissing and nipping at Amanda's lips, Amanda could now tell Liv was wanting this just as much as her. She loved the feel of Liv's hands caressing her body. For some reason Amanda pushed herself up and looked down at Liv. Liv gave her a wierd look "Hey beautiful, everything okay? We dont have to do this." Amanda sighed. Oh she wanted this alright, she'd thought about it more than once. "That's the thing Liv, I do want to do this, god do I ever. But at the same time I dont want to because... and then the tears came out of nowhere, hot tears dripping on to Liv's neck and chest. Liv touched Amanda's chin softly "Honey talk to me. We dont do what you dont want. We stop when you want to stop." In the midst and heat of the moment the two women were sitting on the bed topless and in panties. Liv was getting the feeling Amanda wanted more than just sex. She trusted Liv with the things most important to her which were her daughter, her daughters life and her own. That said something. Amanda was having a hard time facing Liv. What was going on, was she really getting these strong feelings for her boss, her friend in this short of time?

She spoke, hopefully she wasnt going to ruin what was going on but she wanted to slow it down. She wanted to think. You could hear the tears in her voice "Liv can we just cuddle like this? What you are giving me now is what I think I've needed all along." Liv smiled, "sure just let me put something on." Amanda grabbed her hand as she started to get up. "Just stay like this, youll be amazed at how calming this is." Liv didnt move but looked at Amanda, the blondes eyes still had that hurt in them but a new look as well. The look of complete trust. Since Liv hadnt spoken yet, neither in approval or disapproval Amanda spoke again "Skin to skin calms me. Its like nothing is there to hold any kind of judgement, if that makes any sense to you." After hearing that Liv instantly wrapped her arms around Amanda's waist. Amanda's words rang true, the skin to skin contact had started to calm her within mere seconds of being held. "Amanda I have no qualms with this at all. If this is what you need to calm you then so be it." She thought for a few _Al never wanted this. He could never be bothered with just holding her. All he figured was if she was naked then she wanted sex. Where she had been going through alot she'd just go along with it and never tell him her feelings. He didnt really care about her feelings, granted they were in a relationship but it was mostly him and his needs not hers. This felt different, felt like there was more beyond the surface, like feelings that were strong and not completely onsided. She knew Liv wasnt just out for sex and neither was she._ Amanda was so relaxed and only after a few minutes, it actually shocked Olivia cause of how hyped up she was. "This really calmed you." Amanda sighed, "I knew it would." Liv hugged her "Im more than happy to oblige. If you need this than this is what we do." Amanda put her head down, "Look I'm sorry if I made you at all uncomfortable. Typically with Al I needed the sex to calm me down." Liv smiled, here was Amanda opening up and talking to her. Liv rubbed her back gently "Go on sweetie, Im listening. Like I said I am here for whatever you need." Amanda sighed, this was hard opening up, but at the same time it wasnt. Plus Liv was actually caring and not out for the sex. "I dont know see with you it's different. I can be myself, I dont have to keep my guard up. Like with you, yes I'm cuddling with you without clothes on either of us; well we have panties on but we are bare with each other and its not completely sexual. With him it was pure sex. Liv what's going on between us? Is this going to be one night just cause I needed it or is there something more between us? I feel something, but what about you? What are you feeling? Yes you have said you dont mind doing this, but that doesnt tell me how you really feel."

 **So where do you think this is going to go? Are they going to end up being intimate? Should Al make an appearance and throw Amanda for a loop. Should Liv rip his ass if he does. Who should admit feelings are stronger than what they think?**


	6. Questions and Doubts

Few Weeks Later...

Olivia and Amanda kept spending alot of time together outside of work since that night. It was nice and it was routine for them and their kids. Neither of them completely sure of what was brewing between them, they were doing one thing for sure; taking this slow. Kids definitly were not complaining at having a playmate either.

Amanda had been feeling ill lately and really tired. She could do her job at work just fine, but later on she'd feel really rundown. The last time she felt like this she ended up pregnant with Jesse. How she remembered that damn one nighter that snow storm in February when they had used superbowl sunday to bust a prostitution ring. Snowbound with Declan Murphy. One night and nine months later she had Jesse. She had a sickening feeling that she was once again pregnant, only this time it was with the cheating doctor. Thinking to herself _'Shit what am I going to do if I am? Again a child without an active father in their life. What the fuck is wrong with me? Liv's gonna think I'm crazy and it will be like I cant keep my legs closed.'_ Now of course Liv wasnt going to think that.

While they were at work Amanda got nauseous, so she took off to the bathroom. Liv had come out to tell them what she had found out for a new case that was coming in. She looked at Fin "Hey where's Amanda?" Fin shrugged and looked at Carisi. Carisi had seen her haul ass to the bathroom. "Leiu all I saw was her get up and haul ass to the bathroom. Come to think of it she was looking kind of green." Liv scowled with confusion and headed off to the rest room. Liv walked into the rest room and all she could hear was the wretching of someone emptying the contents of their stomach. She knocked on the stall "Amanda are you okay?" Amanda reached up and opened the stall door, she wearily looked at Liv. "I am not feeling that well, obviously." Before she could say anything else her stomach churned and she began emptying her stomach again. Liv who couldnt do anything really, did the one thing she could think of and that was to pull Amanda's hair back. While holding the blondes hair she decided to rub her back gently like she would do to her victims when they were out of sorts. Amanda got sick a few more times, then finally just the dry heaving. She leaned back into Liv, breathing hard. "I hate feeling like this, better than that I really hope I dont pass whatever this is to Jesse." After she said that she began to think _'I cannot tell her I have a sickening feeling I'm pregnant. Again with an absentee father.'_ She just began to rub her stomach. Hoping to get the nauseous feeling to go away. Liv squeezed her shoulders, "Do you want to go home and get some rest? I wont mind nor will I be angry. Just as long as you let me know how you're feeling." As much as Amanda didnt want to leave early, even though it was only a couple hours she knew that the nausea was going to come back with a vengence. She ended up leaving only after promising to call Liv and let her know how she was feeling and or if she needed anything. She made a quick stop at the pharmacy to pick up a pregnancy test.

When she got home she thanked the nanny, paid her and let her go home early. Sitting down on the couch Jesse came over and cuddled her mama. Amanda took all the cuddles she could get. She kissed her babygirl on her forehead, the little girl who was the spitting image of her mama was satisfied with the hug and kiss so she decided to go play. Just as Amanda was going to get up and go use the bathroom, thankful that it was to just pee and not puke her guts out heard her phone go off.

" _Hey Amanda, Just wanted to check on you and see how you are feeling. Has the nauseousness worn off? Noah and I can come over if you like, that way he can keep Jesse occupied and I can keep an eye out while you rest. -Liv"_

Amanda read the text, how she wanted to confide in Liv that she thought she was pregnant, and how she bought a pregnancy test on the way home from work. She felt dumb as shit as she knew the pregnancy test was going to confirm what she already felt. Great now she'll be a single mother to two young children under the age of five. What the hell was wrong with her? Should she have Liv come over? Jesse would have a friend to keep her occupied, she herself would have someone to talk to. She also wouldnt have to take the test and find out the news alone. The shaken blonde sighed. She'd agree but she wasnt telling Liv over a text that she had the sinking feeling she was pregnant and that she had bought a test.

" _Hi Liv, I'm okay. Feeling a little bit better. The nausea comes and goes I guess. But yeah sure, you and Noah are welcome to come over. Jesse will be excited and I'll go get the cot set up for him. Thanks Liv. I'll um ... I'll see you when you get here. -Amanda"_

 **What do yall think? Is she going to be pregnant? What will Liv think? Will Al resurface? I don't think he's done with her. I think he's going to cause some havoc. Reviews are great, they help with the direction of the story.**


	7. Feeling Alone When In Reality She's Not

_Olivia was happy that Amanda had agreed to let her and Noah come over. She had been really worried about her. Liv had told Noah to gather up some things to do over at Auntie Amanda's house. He was happy, he liked seeing Amanda and he liked play time with Jesse. She did however read something into the text though._

Amanda went and set up the cot, she even got Jesse to help. What she couldnt get her mind off was the test. That damn pregnancy test wouldnt leave her mind. Fuck she wasnt waiting for Liv to get there. She was going to take it. "Jesse sweet girl, Mama needs to use the potty. If Auntie comes, and Im not out tell her I'll be out in a few." Jesse smiled, came over and hugged her mama. "Okay mama." As Jesse went over to sit on the couch and play her tablet, Amanda grabbed the test and went to the bathroom. She held it under as she went pee. Then placed it on the back of the toilet, she had to come back and check it in five minutes. In the mean time she went out and checked on Jesse. Jesse was quiet and watching some Paw Patrol on the tablet. She was nervous as hell at what this test was going to say. She really hoped she wasnt, as again she didnt want to be a single mother of two young children and god forbid Al wanted to be part of the childs life, she didnt want to deal with him. She kissed Jesse on her head and went to go check the test.

When she got into the bathroom she saw exactly what she feared. The text saying **_PREGNANT_**. She put her head in her hands. This was not what she needed. She wiped away the tears that had started to fall. Thinking ' _fuck me, now he's going to be part of my life for the next 18 years.'_ She wasnt sure how long she had been standing there in shock, the doorbell buzzing brought her out of her head. Jesse yelling excitedly "MAMA ITS NOAH AND AUNT LIV. COME ON MAMA." Amanda chuckled and came out. "Im right here sweetie. Let's get the door."

She went out and answered the door. Noah giving Amanda a sweet hug as Jesse did the same to Liv. Then they went off to play. Liv looked over at Amanda and saw that she had a hurt but at the same time unreadable expression on her face. Liv quickly closed and locked the door. "Amanda you okay?" Amanda shook her head, walked to the kitchen grabbed bottles of water for her and Liv, then proceeded to go to the living room. When Amanda sat down on the couch Liv sat next to her. They sat in silence for a little bit whether it was for Amanda to grasp onto the news she just got or to just settle herself, whatever it was it was needed. Soon tiny vibrations on the couch let Olivia know that the woman sitting next to her was becoming upset. Liv gently put her hand on Amanda's which inturn got the upset blonde's blue orbs to make eye contact finally. Liv made sure to speak in an easy tone, unjudging as she didnt want Amanda to shut down. " _Honey what's wrong? Sweetie you know you can tell me anything. I'm here no matter what. I'm here for you and here to help you out in anyway I can."_

Again Liv waited. Thing with Amanda when she wants to talk it's on her terms. Since Amanda had moved her hand to lace her own fingers together, she left her hand next to her incase Amanda decided she wanted to take hold of it.

Amanda smiled at first **_"I dont know how to say this so I just will. Im pregnant."_** Liv smiled, "Congratulations or..." Liv stopped when she was able to read more than happiness into Amanda's smile. Amanda looked away quickly when she felt Liv was catching on. Liv pulled Amanda to her gently, "Honey dont do that. Dont turn away from me." Amanda sighed, "I dont know." And with that just before Liv could question the kids came out saying they were hungry. Liv put her finger up and Noah knew that meant to wait a minute. "Amanda we will finish talking in a bit. I am here and not going anywhere." Amanda nodded. They ended up ordering pizza for dinner, nice and easy and definitly a win with the kids. After dinner was finished, Liv got the kids to go get changed into pajamas. Liv looked at Amanda, "Ok Amanda this is up to you, kids can watch one movie out here with us and then settle and go to bed, or and the kids are going to favor this one I know it." The kids started to squeal. Liv continued as Jesse was bouncing on the couch near Amanda. "You kids can watch two movies in Jesse's room or play video games since Noah brought his nintendo switch over for two hours. Yes that will be later than your normal bed time. So which do you want to do?" Well it was quite obvious what they were going to do. Jesse kissing and hugging her mama, hugging Liv went to her room. Noah hugged and kissed Liv and then gave Amanda a hug. "Thank you Auntie Amanda, its a good game and Jesse will have fun." Amanda smiled "I know she will. Thank you buddy for sharing your game with her." Noah smiled knowing he made his Aunt happy was enough for him.

Since he knew how to set up his game, the adults were free to talk. Liv prodded gently. "Sweetie, I know your feelings are all over the place. But since it's early enough we can discuss options, you know and even weigh out pros and cons." Amanda nodded. "You are right, they are all over the damn place." Amanda clenched her fists, now her upset feelings were turning into anger "How could I be so damn stupid Liv? Already have one child with an absentee father, and here I go sleeping with a damn guy who I thought gave a shit about me and my stupid ass doesnt use protection. Why am I such a fuck up. Im not here enough for Jesse and my ass goes and fucks him with no protection. I dont even know what to do. I dont know if I can do this again Liv. I really dont." Liv scowled in confusion, what was Amanda saying? "Sweetie what are you saying? Look I will tell you this, whatever you decide to do I am here. I will support you to death. But sweetie I'll also say this. ' _Regret... is an awful thing to live with.'_ " Amanda looked over at her yes while she was contemplating abortion she hadnt made a decision which was part of her taking the time to think, not to mention she had just found out she was pregnant. "Wait a minute, you had one? You had an abortion?" Liv cut her eyes, she hadnt wanted this conversation to turn to her. All she wanted was for Amanda to know she had unconditional support no matter what decision she made.

Amanda didnt want to push her luck and have Liv shut down on her. "Liv sorry if I made you uncomfortable by asking that. Anyway I'm um gonna go get some sleep. I'm going to go and get a blood test to make sure I am pregnant and then take things from there." Though she really didnt want to go alone, with Liv's reaction to her question about the abortion she didnt want to push Liv. Liv snapped out of her zone when Amanda spoke to her. "Amanda if you would like me to go with you I will. I can text Lucy and see if she would mind coming over here and watching the kids. I just want you to be comfortable and not feel all alone." The one thing was, even though Liv was there she felt so alone. She figured she stupidly got herself into this situation she didnt need deserve any compassion.

"Yeah I would actually like you to come with me." Liv text Lucy to ask her to come over Amanda's tomorrow so she could take Amanda. She didnt tell Lucy all the details. Of course Lucy text back saying it wouldnt be a problem and she would come early enough. Since it had gotten strangely quiet they decided to go check on the kids. Liv touched Amanda's hand, let's go check on the kids and get some sleep. Where are your blankets and extra pillows?" Amanda sheepishly looked down, she kind of wanted to cuddle again with Liv. That night they had cuddled it just made her feel so secure. "Um Liv, you can sleep in my bed if you want. This couch aint comfortable at all to sleep on. Plus you seem to relax me." Liv watched the blonde as she started to walk towards Jesse's room. You could tell just in body language alone that she didnt want to be alone; yes you could see she was feeling alone but didnt want to be. Liv looked at her when they got to Jesse's room, "Amanda, if you want me to stay with you again, honey all you have to do is ask." Amanda looked at her, she just didnt have the words o say. Once they tucked the sleeping children in, and kissed them Liv once again put her hand on Amanda's shoulder; "honey do you want me to stay with you?" Amanda nodded and softly murmured " _please._ " They walked into Amanda's room, since Amanda was pretty much in her sleep clothes, Liv went to change. Liv emerged a short time later, when she came into Amanda's bedroom she saw the blonde curled up on her bed and she was just so sad, it broke Liv's heart. She made her way over to the bed and laid down. Liv laid on her side and facing Amanda. Amanda spoke with that hurt and uncertain tone. " _I'm tired of fucking up Liv. Everytime something is going halfway decent, I fuck up. What am I going to do with another child?"_ The tears were coming yet again, this time Liv just pulled her trembling friend in her arms. She wanted so badly to comfort her. Thankfully Amanda let herself be pulled into Liv's arms. "Sweetie, if we find out tomorrow you are infact pregnant, then we will deal with it together. You're not going to go through this alone. I promise. Ill be here with you. Do you hear me? Amanda Rollins you will not be alone." Amanda nodded, mumbling what Liv thought was 'thank you' and fell asleep, cuddled in Liv's arms. Liv took one hand and just rubbed her back. She herself fell asleep shortly after.

Waking up the following morning, Liv had gotten up with the kids and let Amanda sleep. Her friend needed it. Liv could tell that when she got there last night. The blonde was depleated. Liv had made the kids breakfast and put cartoons on. She had text Lucy that as soon as Amanda woke up she'd let her know what time they'd need her. About twenty minutes later Liv heard Amanda get up, the poor woman was emptying her stomach once again. She knocked softly on the door, hoping Amanda hadnt locked it incase she had to go in and help her friend. She didnt as Amanda said she was okay and was coming out. When she came out Jesse came running over, hugging her mama. Liv had gotten the kids dressed and fed. Oh how Amanda appreciated that. Liv had text Lucy and told her about elevenish to come over. Gave them enough time to get ready. Since Liv had already dressed, Amanda hopped in the shower quickly, especially since just before she got in the nausea got her once again. Finally after about a half hour she was out of the shower and working on getting dressed. She heard voices out in the living room and knew Lucy had shown up. She was beyond grateful for Liv calling her.

After a few minutes of talking with Lucy, Amanda and Liv headed out. They went down to the hospital where Jesse was born, not even thinking that Al worked there at times. She had the blood work done and she got her confirmation. She was infact pregnant. The residing doctor had told her to make an appointment with her obgyn to talk over options and so forth. She could see Amanda was a nervous wreck. Amanda agreed, then she and Liv left. They had just missed Al. Who did the one thing he was not supposed to do. He looked at the paper work left at the desk. _'So Amanda is pregnant. I really dont need that complication, but yet where I work here it will be known. She's going to have no choice but to talk to me now.'_ Soon as his shift was over, you could bet your ass he was going over to his ex-girlfriend's house to confront her.

 **So Al did some sneaky shit and read something on the desk at the hospital and now is going to show up at Amanda's with no warning. What do you think he is going to find there? Is Amanda going to tell him that yeah it is his. Is she going to contemplate an abortion as she has the confirmation she is pregnant? And what will Liv do when he shows up? Reviews are great and welcome. Hope yall like this chapter**


	8. Confrontation

After arriving back to Amanda's Liv figured Amanda would want some time to herself so she began to pack up Noah and his stuff. Even though they had no school tomorrow cause of teacher-staff development. Liv and Amanda still had to work. Before Lucy could take off, Liv asked her to watch the kids tomorrow and said no problem. Amanda asked Liv to stay, and help her go over options. Liv agreed. After all she did care for Amanda and there were feelings there. "Liv, you, Noah, Jesse and the squad are all I have for family. If possible I need you guys more than ever right now." Liv hugged her "Sweetie you have us, no question." As if on cue or something Noah came over and hugged Amanda. "Please dont cry Auntie Amanda, I love you, Jesse loves you and Mama does too." Olivia's heart melted at this interaction between one of her best friends and her son. The bond her son and her friend had was beautiful. Amanda smiled, wiping away the tear. "Noah you sweet boy, you know exactly what to say. I love you too, and your mama, you both have done so much for Jesse and I and I appreciate it." Since it was close to dinner time, they decided to have pizza left overs. After they finished Noah came over to Amanda "Auntie Amanda, I'll take Jesse in her room and set up my game again. I think mama wants to talk with you." With that he got Jesse to go give Liv a hug and her mama a hug and kiss. He went over and gave his mom a hug and kiss, she whispered in his ear " _Thank you sweet boy._ " He smiled and the kids went on their way to play the game.

Liv helped Amanda clean up. God being with Amanda in this setting was so domesticated. Actually felt like this was the way it was supposed to be. As they were cleaning up there was a sudden knocking on her door. Amanda wasnt expecting anyone, so she looked at Liv and shrugged her shoulders. When she opened the door she was not happy when she saw who was on the other side. It was Al. He was fuming.

 _ **"So when the fuck were you going to tell me huh? You're my girlfriend and you hide this news from me. The fact that your fucking pregnant."**_ He pushed the door a bit to try and let himself into Amanda's apartment. She told him to leave, she told him she ended it. He yelled at her again bout being pregnant, Liv had heard the commotion at the door "Amanda everything okay?" When she didnt hear reply she came to the door. "I assume you're Al? You're the asshole I saw the other night at the bar all over some cheap whore. Amanda said she ended it with you so what the hell are you doing here?" He glared at Olivia, this was his and Amanda's conversation; not this bitch. "This is my girlfriend and I's conversation. You dont need to be a part of. She's pregnant with presumably my child. I have a right to know." Amanda was pissed, the only person that knew right now was Liv and she knew damn well she hadnt text anyone. Amanda hissed in anger at him _"I want to know how you found out. This is none of your concern as we are not together. Since I'm assuming the hospital left out the paperwork and you stuck your nose where it dont fucking belong, you read it and didnt have permission. That is patient confidentiality."_ Amanda punched the door in anger forcing Al to take a step back. He looked at her, "We need to talk. Especially if this is my child. Considering when we first got together you didnt want another child." Amanda stood at the door, Liv close behind being very protective. Amanda retorted "Well you said you wore protection. You said you yourself didnt want to have any children. So what the hell?"

They continued to argue at the door, and Liv could see the toll it was starting to take on Amanda. She came over to the door and put herself in the middle. That pissed him off even more. "How the fuck does she know before I do? Especially if I am the father of this baby." He started to push in more, as he did that the more protective Liv got. Liv stood on the other side of Amanda. "Look Al, this is our first time meeting and I already dont like you. Look how you are treating Amanda. Yelling at her, trying to push your way in her apartment especially when Jesse is here. Come on." Oh he didnt like that. He didnt feel Amanda needed back up. "No disrespect intended to you but this is between the mother of my child and I. Not you." Amanda looked at him, tired and wearily "Can you just please go. We are over. I dont have to deal with you." He snarled and pushed the door back and when it did it hit Amanda in the head. She hissed in pain " **What the hell? There was no need for that."** She stepped backward and rubbed her head. When she did that Liv stepped to Al. "You're on thin ice. You do not put your hands on a woman, even more so especially on a woman who is pregnant. So I am going to say this, unless you want me to have someone from my department come down and arrest you I suggest you leave. Cause I am not going to stand here and let you harrass her and possibly scare her child as well as my own." He just looked at Liv, he had no clue that she and Amanda were this close. When they first got together she and this woman who was in his face were not on good terms as Amanda had told him she had ripped her in the break room. As Liv continued to stay in his face and keep him out of Amanda's apartment the angrier he got. " _Look I dont know why you feel the need to stick your nose where it dont belong. This is between Amanda and I. The two of you were not close when we got together and you know nothing of our history_." Amanda was too tired to argue anymore and really too tired to tell Liv to let him be, so she stood back and watched. She was beyond grateful that Olivia had her back. " _Oh I know you cheated on Amanda, with working girls. And you're dead wrong if you think I'm just going to stand back and let you treat her like shit. If you thought that well you're dumber than I thought. So Amanda and I had differences doesnt mean I'm going to sit back and let a sanctimonious prick like you fuck her over."_ Oh Al was pissed, now this bitch was standing here running her mouth.

 _"Sanctimonious huh? Where the hell do you get off? She can get knocked up and not even tell me? What kind of shit is that? Amanda I'll say this, if you keep this bastard child and it is infact mine I will get some sort of custody you can bet on that."_ Oh that did it, Amanda charged to the door, Liv held her back, and in return slapped good ol Dr. Al. She was so pissed she damn near spat out the words. Making sure to keep eye contact " _You'll get any kind of custody over my dead body you son of a bitch. Yeah you heard that right, you want to threaten Amanda with that shit, you'll be dealing with me and the best attorneys because I dont play when my friends and coworkers are threatened. Welcome to the battle you will not win_."

 **Doesn't look like Dr. Al went about things the right way. So he violated patient confidentiality by reading paperwork that confirmed Amanda's pregnancy. Now he wants to get custody. I'm not thinking his threatening Olivia was too smart? Liv is going to protect Amanda at all costs. Will Liv threaten him about his 'custody threat' with a threat of her own? We shall see. Amanda is going to need Liv more than ever now and it doesn't seem that Liv is bothered one bit.**

 **As always thank you for the reviews and the response to this. Till the next chapter... prolly up within the next few days.**


	9. Aftermath & Decisions

Amanda sat there shell shocked that her boss and her ex went at it. She was grateful that Liv had her back continuously. After he finally left Amanda had sat down and just trembled. Next thing she knew Al was texting her.

"Amanda- there was no need to get your boss involved. After all the times you bitched and complained about what a complete bitch she was, then she's at your apartment sticking her nose where it dont belong. Since I will go ahead and assume that it's mine; One you never discussed having a child with me. But since you have told me, there are options and since I'm man enough to admit my mistakes, I will pay for the procedure when you choose to have it done. If that is not what you have planned to do with it, then we need to sit and have a conversation.-Al"

When Amanda got the text her phone had been on the table. Noah and Jesse had come out for drinks and snacks. Noah had seen the phone go off and handed it to Amanda. "Here Auntie, your phone was buzzing." She smiled and took the phone from him. "Thanks lil buddy." He took Jesse to go play the game, she liked the game and had fun with Noah showing her what to do. Liv was looking up something on her phone, so Amanda took this time to look at the message. When she saw what Al had said it pissed her off. She was so conflicted with this pregnancy it was unreal. She muttered _'Son of a bitch'._ Liv looked up from her phone, "Something the matter Amanda?" Amanda shrugged, "Why do I seem to pick nothing but assholes?" Liv looked at her, it was going to take time to build this woman who was strong, stronger than most but right now who was incredibly fragile back up.

"Im so conflicted. Part of me asks ' _what the hell am I doing? another child with an absentee father, like seriously what is going on in my head?'_ Then another part of me is like, _' you're a strong woman, good mom to Jesse and hard worker. Not to mention you have friends who will help you no matter what decision you make.'_ She looked over at Liv, gingerly touching her own belly, she had already bonded with this baby and that's why this was so fucking hard. Liv smiled Amanda was right, she did have friends who would help and support her no matter what decision she made. The kids had taken off to Jesse's room again to play the game. They were having so much fun.

Amanda sighed, rubbing her belly. "This is what I want. I have what I need here right now." Liv scowled in confusion cause she had no clue what Amanda was referring to. With her brow arched she asked "And may I ask what that may be?" Amanda blushed, she had been referring to what had been happening recently in her apartment; the bonding she and Liv were doing. It felt like an honest to goodness family and she hadnt had that. Amanda sheepishly replied with a nervousness cause she didnt want Liv to feel uncomfortable by any means, " _Um it kinda means I have a happy little family here. I dont want to wierd you out or anything but it feels like there's a bigger reason we are here like this."_ Liv looked over at her, patting her hand "Like I said I'm always here for you. We will deal with Al together for damn sure." Amanda nodded, "I appreciate that. Can I ask your honest opinion? Would you think I'm crazy if I decided to keep the baby?" Liv this time gently squeezed Amanda's arm, "Honey I wouldnt think you are crazy. Sweetie it is your choice whether or not you want to keep the baby. I'm here either way one-hundred percent. By one-hundred percent I mean; to listen to your thoughts, giving you the best advice I can if asked, whatever I can do to make all of this easier on you." Amanda wiped her eyes her confliction was slowly being answered. "I thank you Liv. That means alot. But persay I keep the baby, what does that say for what is happening between us? I know you feel it too. We've gotten closer and..." Amanda shut up, she felt she had said too much as it was and had overwhelmed Olivia immensely.

Liv sat back for a moment, she didnt let go of Amanda's hand; which Amanda was thankful for that. She wasnt completely sure what was going to become of her and Amanda but she was right, they had become a family. An unconventional family, but definitly a family. Neither of them expected to feel what they felt. One thing for sure they both felt complete acceptance from the other. Finally she spoke, and the words came from her heart. "I do feel something between us, a spark of some sort. I in a way want to explore that. I've been seeing us as a family as well, hell we spend enough time together right? The kids adore one another, as well as us. So maybe what is happening between us is in some way fate giving us a kick in the ass? Giving us the family both of us have so desperately wanted. I'm actually willing to give it a try and see. Besides I will say this, you are a hell of a kisser." The blonde immediately blushed. "Um thanks Liv, you arent bad yourself I'll say that. But what about this pregnancy? I dont want to put added stress on you." Liv pulled Amanda's hand up to her lips and kissed her knuckles. She was relieved that Amanda was saying she was keeping the baby. "Then our family grows honey. I know you want to keep this baby. I've told you I'd be there for you and I promise to keep my word. You're not going to have to raise two children alone Amanda. You have me."

Since Amanda had made up her mind that she was keeping the baby, she now had to tell Al. She was scared, even though Liv had her back and completely supported her she was still scared. He could be a real bastard if he wanted to and go for some kind of custody if he wanted to be the prick Olivia had called him. She decided to go tell him face to face.

She waited patiently in the hospital where Al worked at. Oh her nerves were getting to him. She remembered the last time she got majorly stressed out while she was pregnant with Jesse and how she damn near passed out. She didnt want that to happen with this one. She saw him walking down to the waiting room, his swagger as he flirted with one of the residents. Yeah that was never going to stop so why he said it would she never knew. She walked up to him, before he had a chance to speak she went right into it. "Look Al, I'm keeping the baby. I've given it alot of thought, pretty much agonized over it. I cannot fathom for any reason why I should terminate the pregnancy. There is no need to. I dont need anything from you, I dont want anything from you and I will not ask for anything from you. Ive raised Jesse alone and I will do the same thing for her sibling. So goodbye Al. Have fun with your escorts." With that Amanda left the hospital, leaving Al behind and not looking back. Walking forward and out the hospital doors, feeling at ease and peaceful rubbing her belly and softly talking to the baby growing inside of her. " _I will do my best for you little one. I may fuck up along the way. But I love you and nothing or noone will change that. You, me, Jesse, Liv and Noah will be a happy family. They will love you too."_

 _ **Will Al leave her alone? Let her have the baby in peace? Will Benson have to get on his case yet again? Maybe... Kind of have an idea where this is going. My ideas always change as Im writing the piece. Tell me what you would maybe want to see happen. May take some of the ideas spin it into my own and see what pops up. Hope you like this chapter and as always POSITIVE and CONSTRUCTIVE reviews are greatly appreciated.**_


	10. She's The One Who's There

Amanda took the long way home from the hospital. She needed to think. She had let Al in not once but twice and both times he had burned her. Yet another male she had trusted that let her down, and betrayed the trust she had bestowed in him. Least she still had the three men she trusted with her life and Jesse's, that was Fin of course. Cragen and Carisi.

When she got home she text Olivia. She waited til the nanny left. She was so angry and hurt that Al expected her to terminate the pregnancy.

"Liv, so I met up with Al and told him about the pregnancy. It didnt go so well. Can I bring Jesse over so we can talk? Please I need a friend to talk to, it's driving me crazy."

Oh how she hoped that Liv would agree to her and Jesse coming over. She kept rubbing her belly. She didnt know how she was going to manage two kids but she would. _"Hey you in there, I may not have all the answers right now and I am questioning a whole lot. But please know this, I will do my best for you to keep you safe. You will be loved and protected."_ Liv took a few minutes and she finally text back.

"Amanda just got your message. Sweetie you know you dont even have to ask. You and Jesse are always welcome in my home. We can talk and sort out whatever you need to sweetie. We will see you when you get here. Be safe."

Amanda told Jesse to grab some things that she wanted to take to Aunt Liv's. Of course her little girl happily obliged as she was getting some play time with her best friend. Amanda packed a few things as they most likely would end up staying over. Fin had text to check on her, she told him she was okay and that she was bringing Jesse over to Aunt Liv's to play with Noah. He chuckled, he could see that the two women were enjoying their blossoming friendship. He could also see that more was coming out of it and he couldnt be happier. He told her to behave and she asked him 'wtf'. He had replied to relax and that he knew. He could tell after all his son was gay and happily married with a little boy that Fin absolutely adored. She text him back asking him not to say anything cause she and Liv hadnt talked about anything. He told her he'd never betray her like that and he was just happy that she had found some happiness. With him wishing her all the happiness she inturn told him she was pregnant. He was surprised to say the least. She told him who the father was and what he said to her her.

 _ **"U want me to go and have a talk with this Al? Cause I will do it in a heartbeat. You know that."**_ Oh as bad as Amanda wanted him to do that, she told him to just leave it alone. He told her he would out of respect to her. She told him she was just bout at Liv's and would talk to him later.

When she got to Liv's, Liv was waiting at the door to let her in. Jesse ran right in after giving Liv a quick hug. Off on a mission to find Noah. Liv smiled and welcomed a very tired and aggravated looking Amanda into her place. The look on her face she could tell that Amanda was very rattled. "Come sweetie, sit down I'll get you a bottle of water." Amanda graciously accepted and sat down.

Liv sat next to her. Gently touching her shoulder. "Honey what's going on? Tell me how you made out today." Just as she was about to tell Liv what happened the kids came running out with handmade cards for Amanda. It was the sweetest gesture, made Amanda tear up with happy tears. She hugged the kids. Oh how she loved them, they made her happy. "Oh you munchkins I love you so much. These are beautiful cards. I will display them either at home or at work." The kids smiled and shrieked with glee. They also had a plan, they again wanted to stay up past their bedtime playing video games. Amanda smiled, her daughter was picking up some devious little ways to getting what she wanted. She shrugged and looked at Liv, "It's okay with me if it's okay with you."

The kids gave both of them hugs and kisses and went to go play the game. Amanda loved watching how Noah took Jesse under his wing. Liv leaned back on the couch and waited patiently for her friend to start talking. Amanda decided to open up the conversation with a bomb so to speak. "So what happens with us now that I'm pregnant? I'm trying to push my feelings to bay for you but they are starting to hit hard especially where you have been here for me through everything lately." Liv looked at her, gently speaking "So you are going to keep the baby? I'm glad sweetie and I support you."

She looked at Liv, she felt comfortable in her decision to tell Liv. What she felt uneasy about was telling her how Al offered to pay for her to have an abortion and how callous he was when she told him she wasnt getting that done. Taking a deep breath... "I uh...I uh I decided to keep the baby." Liv smiled and she did what she said she supported Amanda's decision. "Um when I went to the hospital to tell Al, he offered to pay for me to terminate it and I just told him that I didnt need him. That I could do this on my own. Told him that I had done it with Jesse and I'll do it with this baby no problem. He wasnt happy but he has no choice in the matter. I'm not forcing him to be part of the baby's life, that wouldnt be fair to this baby." As she said that she rubbed her belly and started to cry. Liv pulled her into her arms "Sweetie, it's okay. You have all of us here for you. We got your back." Amanda looked up into the brown eyes that had spoke with such sincerity to her. "What about you Liv? I feel like I'm falling for you. Do you have any feelings for me whatsoever? We've obviously had that one night of making out and touching but its just something that is hitting me."

Liv smiled, she had been thinking lately and she wanted this. She wanted to see where it would go. She enjoyed the family and the partnership they seemed to share. Liv took Amanda's hand and intertwined their fingers "I do have feelings for you. They've come on pretty strong. It just seems natural with us together. It's just easy, we mesh well. We understand each other. So yeah Im saying I'd like to see where this goes."

Amanda smiled, tears in her eyes, she reached up cupping Liv's face and kissed her. They kissed for a few moments before breaking apart. Amanda was the first to speak. "Liv you dont know how happy tht makes me. You've accepted me, you've accepted my daughter and now even want to see where this goes even with me being pregnant." Liv kissed her lips gently, "I've always wanted a family and now I have one, with kids and partner what more could I ask for?" With that they sat in silence, listening to their kids playing the video game. Liv gently rested her hand on Amanda's swollen belly. They both felt that unexplainable feeling that this was meant to be.

 **Sorry this has taken so long... I hope yall are pleased with this chapter.. Feedback is welcome**


	11. Feeling Complete

**Hope yall like this chapter. Sorry its taken so long to get up. Been quite busy with my sons school and annual meetings. Plus leaving one job and starting another. I still have some chapters left in this one.**

Amanda and Liv had been building a relationship. It was slow which was what they both needed. They didnt need to rush into anything. They were happy and content. Liv had gone out and purchased a bed for Jesse since Amanda and Jesse spent alot of time there. Wouldnt be fair to the little girl to keep sleeping on a spare cot. Amanda's pregnancy had brought a long a new string of emotions. One minute she was snapping and lashing out and next she was curled in a ball crying on the couch, and Liv couldnt want her more.

Since the kids had done their usual, taken off to now pretty much their room to play and what not. Liv sat down beside the blonde. She hated seeing her so torn down and hurting like this. Liv gently put her arm around Amanda and pulled her closer. Amanda didnt fight it, infact she curled as close as she could, laying her head on Liv's shoulder. She really didnt have the words right now, her mind was in such a state of confusion she didnt know what the hell had hit her. The only place she felt safe was with Liv.

Liv just held Amanda in that spot for what seemed like hours but in reality it was just an hour. She went and checked on the kids, they had crashed. The scene stole her heart. Both kids asleep on Noah's bed. Liv hadnt felt _complete_ before, something was always missing, but right now in this moment that was was she felt. She felt _complete_ , like this was what she had been waiting for. She knew she had a family with her squad for sure, but this was a whole new feeling to her. She knew that it wasnt going to be an easy road at all, but her and Amanda needed to talk. Her feelings were growing more each time all of them were together not to mention now with Amanda keeping the baby she really couldnt put to words what she was feeling other than " _complete_ ". She gently kissed the kids foreheads, whispering _"I Love You"_ to them, pulled the covers over them and went back to the couch. Amanda had moved a bit, now she had taken her shoes off and laid down. Hands resting on her belly. Amanda was resting comfortably which was nice. Liv gently placed her hand on Amanda's which resulted in Amanda's eyes opening immediately. Liv moved hand "I'm sorry, I uh... I didnt mean to disturb your rest." Amanda smiled, tried to grab the quick moving hand but missed. "You didnt disturb me. Honestly that felt nice." Once Liv could see that Amanda was sincere about wanting her touch she put her hand back. "So do you have a preference this time around, like do you want a boy or another girl?" Amanda shrugged, holding onto Liv's hand "I'm not sure, would be nice to have one of each. As long as this one is healthy is what's most important to me." Liv kissed her forehead gently, making Amanda's eyes flutter shut. Noone in her life had been this gentle or caring towards her.

She eased herself up, she wasnt far along or if she was she hadnt started showing yet. She'd have to make the obgyn appointment for all of that. "So Liv, I uh..." She cut her eyes down, she wanted to ask but feared the rejection she felt she was going to receive. Liv thumbed Amanda's hand curiousity getting the best of her as she could tell Amanda wanted to ask her something but was holding back. "Hey honey, I know you were about to or want to ask me a question. Whats on your mind sweetie?" Amanda closed her eyes for second to gather her thoughts. Why did it scare her so much that she needed to rely on someone but feared that rejection. She bit her lip quickly before she answered. "Would you want to go with me to the appointment? It's just to get started and maybe an ultrasound and heartbeat since they know my history with the placental abruption. You dont have to go. I just umm.. I figured I'd..." again she shut down for fear of rejection. Liv thought a moment, _these people in her life really fucked her over. She's afraid of rejection for even asking for company._ Liv tipped her chin so she could look into Amanda's eyes. "Honey there is no need for you to be afraid to ask me something. You can always ask me anything." Amanda took a deep breath and prepared herself to ask. Her voice soft and just barely audible Liv had to strain to listen. " _Would you want to go to the appointment with me? Its just to get started probably questions, a due date and maybe even a heartbeat if I'm lucky. They'll wanna do some tests I'm sure since I had that placental abruption with Jesse."_ Liv squeezed Amanda's hand, of course she'd go with her. She felt honored that Amanda wanted her to go. Like this was just such a personal moment and she wanted to share it with her. "Sweetie, you want me there and I'm there. I would like nothing more than to be there and share in your joy and be there for you." Amanda hugged Olivia, not one of those quick hugs either, it was one of those lasting ones that said what was needed to be said in the moment. After a few moments of just being in each others arms Liv broke the silence "Honey I can tell you are exhausted both physically and emotionally, why dont you go get some sleep and I'll take the couch."

Amanda looked at her, that skittish look in her eyes. She already felt alone, she really didnt want to be alone physically. "Liv, I dont want to take your bed. Fuck it, look I dont want to be alone. I dont know if its this pregnancy or what but I cant take being alone. Maybe it was having noone when I had Jesse that's pushing this even more I dont know. I guess with all my rambling what Im really asking is if we can cuddle again?" Liv smiled, she just wanted her friend at ease and comfortable. "Of course honey, we can cuddle. I like holding you, it's been nice and just so easy. It's like we connect on more than one plane." Amanda leaned back and smiled, Liv just made that as easy as it could be. She expected it but didnt at the same time. Have to take into consideration that Amanda has never felt like her wants mattered. It's always been what her partner wanted so she wasnt used to this at all. It felt nice but it was something she'd have to get used to. Amanda grabbed her hand "Come on let's go get some rest."

They each went and changed into their sleep clothes. Since they were at Liv's place they met in Liv's room. Amanda approached the bed cautiously. She laid down and Liv pulled her close into her arms. She just liked having her in her arms. Just holding the blonde woman in her arms gave her a warm feeling. This was definitly something she wanted and needed in her life. She needed Amanda, Amanda and Jesse made her little family _complete_ with Noah. Now this new addition with Amanda's baby would just add to that. She wanted nothing more than to care for an infant again and this time the way things were going between her and Amanda she would be there from the very beginning. She lightly placed her hand on Amanda's stomach, ever since the two of them agreed to explore what was between them and had shared kisses here and there it just felt right. Amanda put her hand on top of Liv's holding it there. As she did that Liv braved herself to tell Amanda how she felt about everything.

" _Amanda I know this is sudden, I know it's fast but to me it seems right. Everytime you and Jesse are with Noah and I it feels like a legit family. With the new baby coming, now that you have made the decision to keep it, the feeling I get when I'm with you is complete. I guess what I'm saying is you and your family with me and Noah make us complete. So as long as you want us with you Noah will have two siblings instead of one. Your new baby as well as Jesse and Noah would have two loving parents that they deserve. I dont want to put any kind of pressure or added stress on you but this just feels right to me."_

Oh Amanda didnt know what to say, Liv had never rendered her speechless before. It's like she was actually hearing what she wanted to hear but at the same time it felt like her mind was playing tricks and misleading her; cause everyone who had ever said they cared left her and that made her feel not worthy of it. She glanced at Liv, tears in her eyes. She formed her words.

 _"Olivia, this is all just surreal to me. I have never had this. Nobody cared. You know my parents were abusive. You saw how Beth treated me. I cant even call her 'mom' anymore especially after she hung up on Jesse when I tried to open up the lines of communication again. Look at Nate, he played my ass for a sucker. Yeah I admit there was a fling with Nick and yes Sonny. He was just there for me with Jesse. Then I opened myself up once again for Al. But out of all of them you're the one I've trusted right off the bat. You complete me as well. You accept me for flaws and all. You've been here for me consistently since all the shit went the thing, you havent put any pressure on me, nor have you stressed me out. You have been here. You've been amazing with my daughter, hell you treat her like your own. I can truthfully say that I would love for you and Noah to be part of my family too. Jesse would have two siblings to love and play with as would Noah."_ Amanda couldnt even get through the rest of it without fully crying and inturn making Liv cry. She hugged Liv tightly and Liv reciprocated the hug right back just as tight, both of them mindful of Amanda's protruding belly. Their silence giving each of them the answer they needed. They needed each other, they loved each other, and they were going to be a family.

 **So where do you think this is heading? I kinda want Amanda to find out what shes having. Maybe a run in with Al now that they are establishing a relationship. As always reviews are great.**


	12. Surprise Visit

_Five months have gone by and Amanda and Liv have progressed more. Liv really proving to Amanda that she is there no matter what. They went to the first appointment for the baby together. What drew them closer together was them experiencing the heartbeat together. Liv never experiencing it and Amanda experiencing it with Jesse but she was alone with no one there. This time around it was new to them and it was very special. They knew they were with someone who wasnt going to up and give up at the sight of hard times. None of this was easy. Coming to terms with a pregnancy in a new relationship wasnt easy at all. Amanda's moods were all over the place and rather than get frustrated and walk out Liv would sit there and talk it out or even would just sit there in silence and be supportive that way. Being at work wasnt hard, granted IAB wasnt happy with Amanda still working but she was on strict desk duty so there really wasnt much they could do._

She and Liv were gong to a doctors appointment today. Possibly find out the sex of the baby if the baby cooperated. Amanda was just hoping all was going well still and that everything was good.

Amanda was sitting at her desk typing up some reports on her computer. When all sudden she heard a familiar voice "Hi Amanda, we need to talk." Amanda's eyes snapped up, ' _no he is not here today. I dont need this today.'_ Her tone was low and sending a warning to him " ** _What the hell are you doing here? I've said all I've wanted to say to you. So please leave."_** He looked at her, he wasnt going to leave this easily. She was pregnant with his child, she chose to keep the baby, therefore he had rights. " _Well Amanda, you chose to keep the pregnancy, therefore in doing so you chose to keep me as part of your life for the next eighteen years."_ Fin and Carisi feeling a bit uncomfortable went on to the break room, as asking Amanda to get up they felt would be rude as their coworker and friend was having a tough time maneuvering around as it was. Amanda glared up at Al " **So what are you saying huh? Now all the sudden you want to play daddy? I dont want anything from you and you made that choice to not be part of this when you offered to pay for me to have an abortion."** He looked at her, since she was not making this easy for him he decided he was going to be a prick. Pulling out papers from his lab coat he put them on her desk. His tone was now cold " _Well since you have put it that way, I went ahead and had these drawn up. They are partial custody papers. I want my child on the weekends. You made me a fatther and I want to spend time with my child once it's here. Oh and I want to be in the delivery room too."_ This did not go over well. Amanda was so angry and so hurt. He was satisfied that he had aggravated her " _I'll be in touch."_ He left after that. Smug smile on his face as he left.

Amanda got up and headed to the bathroom, all the sudden the baby was making her really uncomfortable and even hurting her. Once she got into the bathroom she went into the stall, pulling up her shirt and rubbing her belly, trying to ease the painful movements he or she was making. For christsake she had an appointment in about an hour. She was stressed to the max and baby was feeding off of it and hurting her. She tried speaking easily to see if that calmed the pain at all. If not her last resort was having Liv bring her to her appointment early. Easily she cooed " _my sweet baby, please ease up on mama. I love you and am not going to let anything happen to you._ " She continued to talk and rub her belly. Baby wasnt calming down at all and now she was starting to get scared. She feared the same problems when she had Jesse and she had almost lost her life and her daughters life giving birth. She held her hand under her belly for support and walked out of the bathroom. She headed to Liv's office. When she got there she was completely winded and braced herself in the door frame. Liv saw her and rushed over, she knew something was up. Just as she got there Amanda fell into her arms.

Into her walkie Liv yelled " **I NEED A BUS NOW. MANHATTAN SVU 16TH PRECINCT. GET SOMEONE HERE ASAP. MY PREGNANT COLLEAGUE JUST COLLAPSED"**

Liv sat on the floor with Amanda, after a few seconds which seemed like hours Amanda's pretty blue eyes fluttered open. Just as the medics got there. They gently placed her on the gurney. Amanda grabbed Liv's hand. Fear clear in her voice " _Please stay with me. I dont wanna go to the ER alone. I need you Liv."_ Liv held her hand. As they got to the ambulance "Im right here baby. I'm staying right here."

 **I know this was intense and Im soo mean for that. Is everything okay? Are Amanda and the baby in danger? Whats Liv gonna do when she finds out that Al caused this? Stay tuned working on the next chapter as we speak.**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	13. Scary Circumstances

_They rode to the emergency room in silence. Amanda having a tight hold on Liv's hand. The pain was easing up thankfully. Her breath coming back less ragged now and more at ease. What had Liv worried still was the fact that Amanda still wasnt getting her color back. Liv text Fin and told him briefly what happened and that she'd call when she knew more. Then she text Lucy to grab Noah from school and get Jesse from prek. Since Liv and Amanda shared Lucy as a sitter frequently the schools both had her listed as a pick up. Took them some time but they finally got Amanda to a room and hooked up to all sorts of machines._

Liv looked at her friend, so small on the bed, unsure of what was going on. The blonde woman had her hands on her belly rubbing it gently. The pain had subsided. Amanda was beside herself, it was like the whole issue with Jesse was happening again. Wierd ass sense of deja vu she didnt care to have. Last time she had been afraid to tell Liv something was wrong and Carisi was there. This time the very person she was afraid to look weak in front of was the one right there holding her hand. " _Liv he cant get custody. He cant, he didnt want the baby in the first place._ " Liv lovingly patted her hand and scowled when she heard what Amanda said. Now she was angry. "Wait, he caused this? He fucking caused you to pass out in my arms. That son of a bitch..." Liv got up and started to pace. "Amanda does he work here?" Amanda sheepishly nodded that yes he did work at the hospital they were currently at. She looked at Liv, "Just please dont leave me Liv. I dont want to be here alone, especially where if you go looking for him he could come up here. I'm stressed as it is. We were supposed to find out today what the baby is." Liv closed her eyes for a second to try and suppress her anger and disdain for the man who was the father of this baby. When she opened them back up Amanda had her head in her hands crying. "Aww honey what's wrong, sweetie talk to me." Liv gently sat next to Amanda on the bed. Just as she started to talk a doctor walked in.

"Ms. Rollins, I'm Dr. Evans. Im here to run some tests and make sure everything is going okay with the pregnancy. Do you perhaps know what made you pass out at the police station?" The doctor put his stethoscope on and began listening to Amanda's heart and lungs to make sure there was no underlining issues. They both sounded fine and how they should. Lungs were clear and healthy. "Before we listen to the baby I would like to get your blood pressure. Are you due into seeing your Obgyn soon?" Amanda started to shake uncontrollably so Liv being Liv got up and came closer to the blonde holding her free hand. "My um... my blood pressure may be a bit high as my ex stopped by my job and stressed me out. I tried to calm down and it didnt work. The last thing I remember was going to Liv's office and then waking up in her arms on the floor." Dr. Evans checked her blood pressure and it was quite high, not dangerously high but high none the less. Oh when Liv heard the reason why Amanda passed out she was pissed off. She patted Amanda's hand "Can you excuse me? I need to call and let Fin know all is okay. Dr. Evans please give me a minute before you check the baby, I'd like to be here again for the heartbeat." The Dr smiled and told her of course. He'd give Amanda few to relax and see if her blood pressure would come down.

Liv called Fin and told him what was going on. He just like she was majorly pissed off. This Dr. Al Pollack had done way too much. This time almost costing Amanda the baby. "Fin I want you to get Al down to the station. Say one of his 'ladies' is pressing charges I dont care. This son of a bitch stressed Amanda out to the point where she passed out." Fin was balling his fists, noone liked this man, let alone what he done to Amanda and now this. This was the last straw. "Im on it Lieutenant. Give Amanda my love and I'm here if you need me. I'll take Carisi and go get this prick.

Liv went back to Amanda who was closing her eyes and resting. Gave her a few to try and talk to the Dr about what was going on. The doc couldnt get into much detail only that Amanda was super stressed out and it wasnt good for her nor the baby. He was aware of the difficulties Amanda had when she was giving birth to Jesse. He infact told her he was doing everything he could to prevent that. He told her he needed to go get the results of some tests he had run on Amanda and he'd be back in the room. Liv went back in to Amanda's room, Amanda's eyes looked right up when she heard the door open. "Oh thank god, I though you left Liv." Liv came over and held her hand, "No sweetie I am here, I wouldnt leave you all alone." Amanda relaxed a little, Liv was thankful for that. Not long after Liv came back into the room the doctor came back in. He brought the portable sonogram machine in with him. As he was getting the machine all set up and ready to go her obgyn walked in as well.

Her obgyn checked on the baby, even let Liv and Amanda listen to the heartbeat. God that was such a glorious sound to them, especially right now. The fetal heartrate was right at normal sitting at 125bpm. That made her obgyn very relieved especially where Amanda was incredibly stressed out. He wanted her to relax as much as she could. He was worried now that she could have another placental abruption if she wasnt careful. "Amanda I dont want to scare you or worry you, but with saying that you do need to take it easy. Whatever is stressing you this bad needs to stop and or you need to remove yourself from the situation. I'm sure your boss and friend Ms. Benson here is on the same page as me." Liv shook her head in agreement. He hooked up the camera to where he could attempt to tell the sex of the baby. To lighten her mood he told her to watch, "Your baby is very healthy. Just the right size that he or she is supposed to be. Would you like me to see if I can find out the sex?" Amanda looked at Liv, Liv could see in her eyes that Amanda wanted her right there so she did what she felt was right to her and took Amanda's hand, kissing her knuckles. Amanda sighed a bit of relief. The obgyn giggled, "Well Amanda seems your baby has a bit of a stubborn streak, he or she wont allow me to see." Liv giggled as well, "Well that's typical Amanda. Another one just as stubborn as you. You're in for it now." The obgyn gently wiped the gel off her belly and printed out a few pics for her. "Here you go Amanda, baby seems to be really good. I will have my secretary call and set up another appointment. Thank you for coming with her again Ms. Benson." Liv smiled and told him anytime.

Dr. Evans came back in and gave Amanda his recommendations. He didnt want her alone tonight, especially being far a long and having an active toddler at home. Liv told him that wouldnt be a problem, that Amanda and Jesse would be staying with her. Amanda tried to give a rebuttal but Liv wouldnt take no for an answer. "Honey he wants you off your feet as much as you can, how are you gonna do that with a toddler at home by yourself? I dont mind, Noah will be glad to have his playmate over, plus you and I can spend time together. Dr. Evans she'll be coming home with me. At least for tonight maybe more depending on how she feels. Anything I should be on the look out for that may alarm me?" He told her loss of color, extremely lethargic, and if she seems in alot of pain; more than the normal with the baby moving around. Liv told him thank you and called for Fin to come pick them up since she rode in the ambulance with Amanda. "Liv are you sure you dont mind us staying with you again?" Liv kissed her cheek and told her she absolutely didnt. Fin came and got his favorite ladies. He was very glad that Liv had taken such an interest in Amanda and looked out for her, especially with how good ol Al was.

Liv got Amanda home and situated. Lucy had met them there with the kids. Both kids running over to hug Liv and Amanda. Amanda thanked Lucy for tending to Jesse as well as Noah and she told her no problem. Amanda went and laid on the couch, Liv got some pillows and a blanket for her. Noah and Jesse went to tend to Amanda and play doctor as much as they could. This gave Lucy sometime to talk to Liv. Telling Liv since Fin had been calling and texting that she would stay for a bit to help out, Liv was needed to come down and handle the arrest on Dr. Al. Oh when Liv got there and saw Al face to face it was all she could do not to slap him. He gave her some smart ass remarks and what not. Liv told him he caused Amanda's ER trip and that if he was going to attempt to threaten her any more than he was going to have to go through her. He told her to fuck off and he'd see Amanda in court when the baby arrived. Liv decided to really goad him, " _By the way Al, Im going to tell you this now. If you think for a minute you are going to be in that delivery room when she gives birth, YOU ARE SADLY MISTAKEN."_ He glared at her, wanting to shoot his mouth off but he didnt.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 **Back at Liv's place a few hours later**

Liv had gotten home and Amanda was asleep on the couch. She seemed comfortable for the time being. Lucy told Liv quickly that the kids cuddled with Amanda for a little bit then went on to play. Lucy took off and told Liv to call her if she needed her. Liv sat there and watched Amanda for a little bit, she looked so peaceful just resting. Unfortunately Amanda felt eyes on her and woke up. In a sleepy voice she spoke " _Hey Liv._ " Liv smiled, "I didnt mean to wake you sweetie. You looked very peaceful in your sleep." Amanda smiled, "I was, your couch is super comfortable. So I know you went after Al and arrested him. What happened?" Liv smiled "Yes I did. But I dont want to talk about that right now. I want to do this instead." She leaned in and kissed Amanda softly at first, Amanda welcoming the kiss put her arms around Liv's neck. When they broke for air Liv abruptly apologized "Oh shit Amanda I'm sorry. I shouldnt have, you're going through enough." Liv tried to pull away and Amanda wasnt having it Amanda kissed her back with a wanton passion. When she broke the kiss she spoke "Dont apologize for kissing me please, it felt nice, it felt right. Besides we are testing things out with us as a couple Liv. My feelings are really growing. I care alot about you and this what's between us just feels right." Just as they were cuddling for a little bit, Noah came out and saw them kiss quickly again " _Mama how come you were just kissing Aunt Manda?"_ Amanda's cheeks heated up and she got nervous, however she let Liv explain to Noah what he had just seen. He stood there waiting for his mom to explain. For as young as he was he understood alot more than they thought. He also knew that his mom and aunt had been spending alot more time together and he did like that. Liv responded by asking him "Noah, does it bother you that Aunt Manda and I were kissing?" He looked at Liv then to Amanda quickly and back to Liv. " _Uh no Mama it doesnt. Do you and Aunt Manda love each other?_ " Amanda's eyes went wide and Liv gave a little cough, Liv looked over at Amanda as she was looking for the right way to answer the question. She knew what her feelings were, but she didnt know what Amanda's feelings were; yes she knew Amanda cared but she didnt know how deep they were especially now with all that was going on with Al and the baby.


	14. Snapshot

**Comical start.. Of course theyd be caught by Noah. Least it wasn't Jesse. Or both him and Jesse. Kind of a fluffy chapter with lots of**

 **reassurance for Amanda who seems to need it. Hope yall like this one**

Noah was persistent, neither of them had answered his question. Granted he loved both his mama and his aunt very much and he was a young boy but he noticed how much happier his mom was when she was around his aunt. It didnt make any difference to him. He liked spending time with Amanda too. " _Mama, you didnt answer my question. Neither did you Auntie. Do you love each other?_ " Liv glanced at Amanda and with just one look she really couldnt deny her feelings anymore. "Yes my love, I do love your aunt here." Amanda blushed, she knew she was capable of loving another but if it made any sense with her past relationships and even shit with her parents, she honestly didnt feel she was capable or deserving of love from a partner. She knew she owed Noah an answer as was patiently waiting " _Noah, you sweet boy. I adore your mama. I do love your mama and I love you too._ " He smiled, "so then we are just a little family and Jesse is like my little sister so." He smiled as he said it. _"I do have a friend at school and she's got two moms and you act like them and that's a cool thing_." He actually made them tear up. He was so honest and so smart for his age. He looked at them again, gave them quick hugs and went back to playing with Jesse. The acceptance he showed was that of an adult and what they wished alot of adults would do when it came to same-sex relationships.

Amanda who had been sitting straight up, some would say she was sitting at attention like a student would be in a military class; finally let out a breath and eased back into the couch. Liv who saw her just relax back gave a little laugh. " _Oh come on Amanda, we were after all PG_." Amanda looked at her and rolled her eyes, she couldnt even do that without laughing herself " _Oh PG huh, Liv your kid caught us. That was not fun. But at least it wasnt where we had our tounges intertwined_. " Liv shook her head, she wanted nothing more than to hold the blonde and watch a movie, but first they needed to get the kids to bed; they didnt want anymore awkward moments so to speak. They put the kids to bed with ease as they were both worn out. Jesse had her special blanket and Noah of course had Eddie. Noah was right they were pretty much a family. Liv decided she was going to make the move when they got back to the couch. "So I was wondering, would you want to cuddle and watch a movie or something?" Amanda smiled at the thought but was also feeling that she was currently too big and wouldnt fit on the couch along with Liv. "Liv how are the both of us gonna fit on here? I'm not exactly tiny right now." Least thats how Al would put it. He'd grumble when she was on the couch cause rather than cuddle her, he'd complain there was no room for him. "He would get pissed off and complain there was no room cause I'm too fat." Amanda looked down, trying to hide the glassy eyes and tears that were forming. Liv pulled the glowing blonde closer to her "Nonsense honey, there's plenty of room. You get comfortable and I'll adjust myself to where you're comfy." Amanda smiled and got herself comfy cause she knew how persistent she could get. "Okay Liv, come on and join me. There's not much room, but you said you wanted to cuddle." Liv smiled, looking at Amanda her feelings grew stronger just in this moment alone. Looking at Amanda sitting there, waiting to cuddle, admiring the swell of the life that's inside of this woman. Amanda looked so relaxed and couldnt be more gorgeous than right now, she grabbed her phone and snapped a pic. Amanda had her eyes shut when she took the pic, but opened them quickly when she heard the click. "Please dont tell me you took a pic. I look like shit." Liv smiled at her, "Of course I took a pic, for some reason the relaxed look you just had that peaceful look. And that glow. Amanda you are beautiful." Amanda shook her head, blushing a bit, the tone in her voice light "Can you just shut up and cuddle?" Liv laid down and Amanda wanted to be in her arms so she sat up and let Liv sit behind her. She instinctively pulled Amanda to lean on her against her chest. Once Amanda settled and was comfy Liv reached around and put her arms around Amanda's belly. Oh how she wanted to touch Amanda's belly she craved to feel the baby skin to skin. She looked at Amanda, putting her finger tips just under Amanda's shirt, feeling Amanda jump at the touch. " _May I?_ " Amanda nodded "Sure, I dont mind and I dont think baby will mind" Amanda pulled her shirt up just above her belly, she wanted to see and feel the reaction of the baby when Liv touched her belly. She watched as Liv gently placed her hand on the swell and not even a second later the baby pushed against her hand and then kicked.

Liv's eyes filled with tears, happy tears of course. Even though she was choked up she found her words to speak. " _Amanda."_

Amanda smiled, how she not only heard the love and emotion in Liv's voice but she felt it too. " _Aww Liv it seems the baby likes you already._ " Amanda placed her hand on Liv's. This was the family she wanted and Liv seemed to want the same thing. Liv kept that heartwarming smile as she spoke, "You know Amanda no matter what happens between us, I will be here for you whether it's for you or to help with the kids. You got me and I am not running away." Amanda nodded "I know Liv, I appreciate that. On the more serious side, what the hell am I going to do about those papers from Al?" Liv smoothed her hair with one hand and kept her other on Amanda's belly. Liv took a deep breath before answering, "Do you have any other proof that he offered to pay for you to get an abortion? I believe he asked you no doubt, but did he happen to text you?" Amanda leaned her head back again sighing deeply before answering, " _Yes I do Liv."_ Liv kissed the top of her head and then rested her head on her shoulder nuzzling her just a bit. " _Okay then my sweet Amanda, you rest. That's all I needed to know._ " Liv grabbed the remote and put on netflix to some random drama to watch. "Im going to cuddle you some more if you dont mind." Amanda smiled, of course she didnt mind. She felt safe. "I dont mind at all Liv. I actually feel safe in your arms. Though safe from the peeping kids not so much." Liv laughed "Well that is the joys of having kids my dear. Welcome to a long time of being interrupted. We are going to have to get creative." Amanda was happy so happy infact she wanted to actually question Liv about their relationship since Noah did make it known he was all for his mama and his aunt being affectionate and even entertaining the idea of a family as he called it. "So Liv, what are we going to do about us? Noah seems to be okay with the idea of us. Jesse would have no issue as she would just be used to us together alot anyway. As for this new baby he or she would be the same accustomed to having you around. I dont care if the squad knows cause I sure as hell wouldnt be embarrassed or ashamed of you by any means."

Liv smiled, she couldnt help it, the blondes nervousness; but that motherly glow was there just making her even more beautiful. Maybe she was just a bit biased towards Amanda but it was the truth. Liv thought for a few, Amanda was onto something; they had to figure out what exactly was between them and what they were going to do about it. She liked the idea of them being a family, but she wanted to make sure that Amanda was healed from Al. As she snuggled closer she spoke "Manda Im not embarrassed or ashamed of you by any means. Whenever you are truly ready we can pursue what we think is between us."

Believe it or not Amanda was ready. She was ready to move on from Al and his ways. She was more than ready to have the loving family she always wanted especially for Jesse. Amanda enjoying the snuggles with Liv all of this just felt right. She had thought it felt right with Al but this was so different. There was no second guessing, no wondering if she was the one being thought about. She was finally with the right one. Turning around so that she was facing Liv, belly touching Liv's belly it felt natural. Al hated when she did that, he didnt like to be 'squished' as he called it. Liv smiled when Amanda had turned to face her. She reached one arm around Amanda at her belly to keep Amanda from falling off the couch. "Are you sure I'm not squishing you? Al used to bitch and complain and it made me feel awkward and insecure." Liv thought for a minute before she answered ' _How could he be so cold? He helped make the life that she was carrying._ "No Manda you arent squishing me. I like this, I can feel the movements of the baby it's nice. An intimacy I've never felt and I'm beyond grateful for you letting me share this." Amanda sheepishly smiled, "I want to pursue us. There is something there I can feel it. Even more so now with us talking. You are just so understanding. Thing is Liv, do you really want someone like me who is fucked up? I have all sorts of issues, two baby daddies, recovering gambling addict? I really am a fuck up Liv." Liv didnt want to hear anymore. So since they were facing each other she gently placed her hand under Amanda's chin and kissed her to shut her up. When they broke the kiss Amanda's eyes were heavy lidded and she knew. "Amanda for one you are not a fuck up. For two yes I really want something with you." Liv was really going to go all out on this one but she had to be honest with the blonde, if not things wouldnt work. "Amanda the reason I am wanting this so much is... well spending all this time with you _I'm falling in love with you_."

 **Well some revelations happened. Al is still a prick, and Liv dropped the L-bomb. What did you think of Noah's response to catching**

 **them? I thought it was sweet. As always reviews are great.**


	15. There Are Things You Need To Know

This chapter took a whole other turn than I expected. But when you are writing and things are flowing it all pulls together. Yes Amanda wants to tell Liv everything. She will too. Hope you like this chapter and Im going to work on bringing you another chapter soon.

 _ **The words that Liv just said to her "I'm falling in love with you." were repeating. Did she hear that right? Was Liv really falling in love with her? She couldnt believe this. Finally someone admitting they loved her. She never really heard the words without being asked for something in return. Kim would say it to her to get things. Come on one of the last times she said it she had stolen everything in her apartment. Going back to growing up, her father a gambler who mistreated her mother as well as her and her sister. An alcoholic mother who bestowed all of her responsibilities onto Amanda including practically raising Kim. She didnt really know of a positive loving relationship.**_

She finally snapped out of her fog. She didnt want to doubt Liv but it was hard to believe when everything that had been done to her had proved she was unworthy of any kind of love. She had tears in her crystal blue eyes.

" _Liv where do I begin? I dont even know._ " Amanda was gathering what she was going to say to Liv. She herself was falling for Liv, but would Liv want someone as damaged as her? Liv cuddled her closer, if that was even possible without the two of them being on top of one another. Liv told her to just talk from her heart and what she was feeling. " _Liv I cant even put into words what you have come to mean to me, for that fact what you and Noah mean to Jesse and I. I feel the same way that I'm falling in love with you. I just hope I dont ever end up disappointing you like I have others in my life. But my dear Liv, thats a story for another day._ " With that she wiped the tears from her eyes and caressed her belly. Liv caressed her face gently, she felt the rements of the salty liquid that had fallen from Amanda's eyes. Liv kissed the top of her head, "Sweetie there is no rush. I am here to listen to whatever it is that you want and or need to tell me. Please keep in mind though that nothing will change how I feel about you. You dont need to rush, I accept you have a hard time opening up and trusting people. But on that note, I will do whatever I can to ensure that your trust in me is never betrayed." Amanda patted Liv's hand and kissed her cheek, softly speaking "I thank you. I appreciate that, and I do trust you Liv. I'm just afraid when and if you see the whole me I'm going to disappoint you. I did them, and it hurts but if I disappoint you it will kill me." Liv just gently squeezed her, the baby kicking her lightly as the baby responded to Liv quite a bit. It warmed Liv's heart the baby did this. It brought her closer to Amanda.

"You know Amanda, no matter what has happened to you it wont change how I feel. There's something about you that just grabs me. I dont want to let go, for fear that I'll lose something I have never had." Amanda had to get up, get away she couldnt let Liv see her break down like she was about to. Liv was saying all the words she needed to hear but at the same time she was afraid to hear them. She ran into the bathroom, leaving Liv at a loss. She couldnt figure if she had said something wrong to her friend, the woman she had feelings for or if she had moved too fast. She went to the bathroom door, "Amanda I know I upset you and I'm sorry. I should have kept all of this to myself. I'm going to let you be, please if you need anything dont hesitate to come get me to talk to me or for whatever you need." After that Liv went to check on the kids who had fallen asleep reading to each other. These kids had such a bond. After kissing the kids and making sure they were tucked in she retreated back to the couch. Relaxing was something she wasnt really used to lately but kicking her feet back felt good. She was worried about Amanda's emotional state right now, but rather than push the blonde she wanted to let Amanda come to her. She had laid back and closed her eyes to rest for a little bit.

Amanda was just beside herself. She wanted so bad to let Liv fully in, but what would she think when she heard all of the hell Amanda endured? Noone wants deal with that. Who the fuck wants to deal with a single mother, pregnant with her second child, and to top that how she really got pregnant. Shit she hadnt really admitted it to herself until recently. The more the tears flowed the more she thought how noone could be bothered with her past and why she was as closed off as she was. Amanda couldnt wait til this baby was born so that her emotions werent all over the place. Yes granted her hormones were wreaking havoc. She needed to go out and face Liv. Did she tell her the hell she went through? The recent hell with Al in more detail? Oh for fucks sake why did she always fall for the asshole that mistreated her?

Amanda rinsed her face off and went to check the kids before going out to Liv. How she loved them with all her heart. She watched them sleep, peaceful not a care in the world knowing clearly they were loved and wanted. How she wished she had that growing up. After a few minutes she went on to the couch where she found Liv asleep. She didnt want to wake her up but the couch wasnt comfy.

She lightly tapped Liv's shoulder "Hey Liv, this couch aint too comfy to sleep on." Liv stirred, she didnt realize she had actually fallen asleep. When she stirred and replied, he voice was filled with sleep. " _Amanda, everything okay? I was worried about you, but I wanted to give you your space._ ".

Amanda yawned and nodded that she was. "Would you mind cuddling with me? We can rest and talk if you want, there's things I need to tell you and you need to hear before we go any further."

Liv nodded, not wanting to push. "Of course sweetie, I'll cuddle you and listen to whatever you want and or need to tell me." She let Amanda lead her to the bedroom.

Amanda mumbled softly when Liv hugged her in the bedroom. " _Liv I love you as well. I cant fight the feelings anymore. But with that said I need to tell you everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. Then you can decide if you really want to move forward with a single mother of one child soon two."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 **What do you think Amanda is going to tell Liv. Granted she said she does love her. She wants the family but is afraid of abandonment as that is what has always been done to her. Liv has to prove and she will. What do you think Amanda's going to tell her? As always thanks for reading and reviews are lovely**


	16. Her Darkest Revelation TRIGGER WARNING

****TRIGGER WARNINGS****

 **Please I cannot stress this enough. This chapter is lengthy for one and it does have a detailed account of an assault. Please read this at your own risk. If assault readings trigger you, please don't read this chapter. Id rather lose some readers on this chapter than have someone be triggered by what I have written. For the rest of you, I hope you enjoy this and I am currently working on the next chapter. Thank you for your patience. Thank you to AJ for helping me and letting me bounce ideas off of you.**

They cuddled for some time. For Liv it just came easy. As long as Amanda was comfortable she was fine. She wanted to hear what Amanda needed and wanted to tell her. She was a bit scared of what was going to be told. She could feel Amanda tense up, she knew that wasnt comfortable especially where she was pregnant. Liv gently hugged her "Sweetie you're so tense. Would you like a massage?" Amanda smiled, she was so nervous and Liv wasnt running, but would she run when she heard all? "Um... if you wouldnt mind, that would be nice. I thank you for your patience. I am trying to figure out how to tell you everything." Liv kissed her head gently, "Sweetie, take your time. I'm gonna go get something to relax your muscles when I rub your back. Liv got up and went to get her necessities to try and get Amanda to relax. The kids were still sleeping peacefully. Liv came back in with her essential oils a little heater to keep the oil warm and some towels. Amanda saw what she was doing. "Oh Liv you didnt have to go through all this trouble. A simple massage is fine." Liv told her she didnt mind. She put a pillow infront of Amanda to lean forward on so she wasnt putting the pressure on the baby.

"Now before I start how would you prefer I do this? I can leave the tshirt on, and have you pull it up. You can throw on a tank top, do the same and pull it up. Or the last one is you can have no shirt on, completely relax and I wont see anything. Hell it may relax you even more with it being skin to skin? After all we did cuddle skin to skin and you relaxed tremendously. It's completely up to you sweetie. Whatever is more comfortable for you." Amanda thought for a minute, though Liv had said she was beautiful and they did have their topless make out she felt self conscious now. For one she was a whole lot bigger and who really wants to see all that? Sure as shit Al never did, even when she wasnt pregnant. He never wanted to see her naked in the light. She grew to think that was why he chose to pay for it rather than see her. She reached up and pulled her shirt off, if Liv was gonna scoff she might as well have a reason to.

Her voice vulnerable when she spoke, " _Hope the sight of me shirtless doesnt make you sick to your stomach. Well you're only seeing my back so. It shouldnt make you gag too much."_

Liv put her head right on Amanda's shoulder, "You couldnt be more wrong Amanda." She lifted back up and brought the bowl a little closer to her. Before she started she took the time to look at the pale beauty though she was only seeing her back she still thought the woman was gorgeous. Liv cracked her knuckles, she put some of the warm lavender scented oil on her hands and went to work. Oh how her fingers felt so good on Amanda's back, wasnt a sexual touch but it was sensual and it felt good to Amanda. A few moans escaped from her lips and Liv knew it was working. "So how are you feeling Amanda? Is this helping at all?" Amanda shook her head yes. Tears coming cause the caresses felt so good, noone had taken the time to do this. "Surprised you're not disgusted touching me like this." Liv bit back she wanted to slap this blonde silly. Why would she be disgusted? She was giving the woman she was falling in love with a massage. She also could tell that Amanda was on the verge of opening up.

" _So this pregnancy as you know wasnt planned Liv. None of this was planned. This wasnt supposed to happen. I know in the beginning, after I gave him another chance I thought he was a good guy. Boy was I mistaken. Remember back when I talked to you and was unsure about the pregnancy and was even contemplating having an abortion. There's a few reasons why I agonized over it_."

She wiped her eyes quickly. Liv was unsure of how to respond, knowing she wasnt going to like what she was about to hear. She wanted the blonde in her arms, being held but knew if she did that Amanda wouldnt finish. Maybe her massaging her back was distracting enough for her to completely open up.

" _It was July fourth. We had gone to a picnic during the day which was nice. You ended up watching Jesse for me which I am so grateful for. It gave me time to spend with him and so forth. After the fireworks we went to the bar and had some drinks. My typical as you know when we've gone out with Fin and Carisi. Well I decided to say fuck it, I wasnt driving and I was with my boyfriend. What could go wrong?_ "

Oh Liv didnt like how this was going. She could already figure out where it was headed. She was going to hear that this woman she had fallen in love with was assaulted and by someone she begun to trust. Shit she was dating the son of a bitch she had to trust him somewhat. Goddammitt she wanted to hold the blonde, she wanted to love the blonde but she had to let her get out what she was trying to say.

" _So we partied hard. Drank alot, well he not so much but I was how we say feeling nice. Well some guys came over that we knew and one made a few passes at me, I took it as whatever and played along. I fucking knew who I was going home with, it wasnt him. It was my boyfriend that I was going home with. So Al had a couple more drinks as I figured let him calm down. I had upset him. I also had more myself. Kept going with the drinks as you know I have a pretty high tolerance. He seemed okay, seemed to have let it go. Boy was I mistaken, just didnt know it yet._ "

Liv stopped her gentle ministrations on her back for a minute, it was as if she was giving Amanda a break. Well this made Amanda think she was done and didnt want to hear anymore. That certainly wasnt the case. "I'm sorry Liv. It's too much, you can stop and I'll shut up. Noone wants to hear this anyway." Liv put her hand on the small of Amanda's back, she spoke gently "Sweetie I dont want to stop and I want to hear what you are trying to tell me as hard as it is I want to hear this and I want to help you heal.

" _He took me home. To his apartment. Ill be the first to admit while drinking gets me hot and bothered and I did want to go home and fuck my boyfriends brains out even though he had been a prick. Blame it on the alcohol but I did and I was coherent. I got a totally different Al when we got in his room. He shoved me on the bed and kissed me hard. I like it rough so I went with it. He had me pinned on the bed._ " She rubbed her belly quick. Trying to muster up her courage to turn around and be held by the brunette who was doing everything right in earning her trust.

" _We were getting pretty hot and when I started to get undressed he got really impatient. He threw me back on the bed, ripped my pants and undies down my legs. He was so rough he left scratches on my legs and inner thighs. As I said I liked it rough so then as I kissed him he grabbed my hair, a fistful to be exact and so hard he made my eyes water. He had removed his pants so fast that I didnt even see him do it. It was like one minute they were on and the next they were gone. Next thing I knew where he still had my hair pulled back he pushed me down onto his penis. I for one am not all that fond of going down on a guy. Just dont like the taste in my mouth. So I inturn bit him. It wasnt a love bite either. I fucking bit him hard."_ Amanda really started to cry. She felt disgusting. " _Liv there's more."_

Liv felt the tears coming down her own eyes. She felt Amanda's pain and hurt. She had to ask "Honey I know you dont like to be coddled and I know you need to get this out, but would you rather I hold you and you tell me what you need to or do you want to stay like this? Whatever will help you get through telling me what you want and need me to know I will do. Amanda declined being held as if she did accept being held she wouldnt be able to get what she needed out.

Amanda tensed up completely. This was hard. Now she was about to reveal to the woman she has told she loves how the baby growing inside of her was conceived.

" _After I bit him, he um...He... He um slapped my chest so fucking hard. He didnt hit my face cause he knew you'd see the mark and or Fin and Carisi as well. So he slapped my chest. Liv it stung so bad. Hurt so bad._ "

Olivia noticed the tenseness in Amanda but she didnt question it as she didnt want her to shut down. However Amanda is riddled with uncontrollable anxiety and starts shaking. She reached for Liv's hands and pulled them around her belly and held them there. She slowly begins to talk again. Liv gently began just rubbing the blonde's protruding belly. The skin on and skin was calming as was the lavender oil.

" _After I bit him, he literally ripped his penis from my mouth. As soon as he had slapped my chest he jammed his penis inside of me. It was so quick he didnt even put any protection on. We always used protection as he didnt want a child. It was so rough and painful. So there you have it Liv.. He raped me. That's why I contemplated abortion. That's why I was off when I picked up Jesse from you. I played it off that I was tired but I was in so much pain."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tears stung Olivia's eyes at what Amanda just revealed to her. She was rendered speechless as she continued to process what Amanda told her. The range of emotions she herself was feeling was just... She felt hurt for Amanda, but that was subsided for the rage that was bubbling to the surface and that rage was aimed at Al. You could say she was pissed but it was so much more that that.

Amanda looked quickly at Liv, giving a glimmer of her hurt. "Liv". As quickly as she said her name she turned away. She wanted to know what the brunette was thinking, what she was feeling. She on the other hand was feeling ashamed. She was a fucking sex crimes cop for christs sake and here she was assaulted again.

Liv's voice was soft as she was emotional, shit her voice even broke. "Wh-Why did you make it seem like he was a changed man? Amanda... You seemed happy and content, well with regards to the cheating. You seemed to have moved on from that." Oh she didnt want to get into it with the blonde, but her heart was breaking for her. She looked over at Amanda who had put her head down on the pillow that was infront of her.

Liv wiped her hands on one of the towels she had brought into the room. She also placed the soft fleece blanket that Amanda had on the bed around Amanda's shoulders and back. She got up from the bed and walked over to where Amanda was facing. Amanda glanced up when the taller brunette was right in front of her. She gently touched Amanda's chin so she could look at her. "Honey I want you to know I dont think any differently of you. I'm sorry this happened to you and you had to go through this."

Oh the changed man question set Amanda off. Yes she was fucking stupid to have believed that he had changed. She knew this, she didnt need it pointed out to her. And she was about to voice that. Liv asking that hurt.

" _I know I fucked up. I fucked up bad. But Liv it doesnt give you the right to throw the reminder right back in my face. For fucks sake I... I trusted you and opened up to you. Here's why I stayed. I was too damn scared he would hurt me and or for that matter that he'd hurt Jesse."_ Amanda looked down at the floor incredulously and then continued on with a soft but ominous chuckle." _So I stuck around anyways and guess what? He still hurt me. Happy now? Happy that I made a complete fucking ass out of myself?"_

Olivia couldnt bare the way that Amanda spoke of herself. Just when she went to try and talk to the blonde and possibly remove her foot from her mouth, Amanda spoke again. " _Don't even start speaking the wisdom that you give everyone. I think I have heard enough tonight. I know what I got myself into. What I didnt expect was you Olivia to question my judgement. So thanks for that. I appreciate it so much."_

Olivia went to touch the blonde who was now a cross between hurt and angry. Amanda felt the air shift and Liv's swift movement. When Liv did that Amanda shrugged away, snatching her shirt she hastily put it on and stormed out to the porch. Leaving Liv in the bedroom without saying a word. She needed to cool off. Though she had just spent a little over an hour shirtless while Liv massaged her she was hot. Damn pregnancy with mood swings and hot flashes.

 _Amanda was cooling off outside. The cool midnight air working wonders. It bothered her that Liv made the comment about Al being a changed man. She thought that she was stupid herself but she really didnt think Liv would agree. Liv decided she needed to go and check on Amanda. She felt bad for upsetting her especially after she had revealed so much. When she walked outside she had the blanket with her just incase Amanda needed it, after all it was a chilly night. Amanda heard her come out, Liv didnt go right up to her, she stayed back for a minute. Amanda however went right on attack._

Amanda's voice was laced with ice " _What the hell do you want Liv? After all you made it perfectly clear you think I'm a complete idiot cause I thought he changed. What are you gonna do now, rub my nose in it some more? Come on... I'm standing right here, obviously cant run. So go ahead tell me I'm fucking stupid and that you take back everything including you saying that you love me. I'm a big girl I can take it."_

Liv had no intentions on that whatsoever. This time Liv tries to be more sympathetic. She gets closer to Amanda, right at her side. She placed her hand in the small of Amanda's back. " _Honey I wasn't judging you. I sure dont think you are an idiot nor did I say that. Love blinds you especially when you're scared._ "

 **I know this chapter was dark and fucked up to say the least. Now will Amanda keep her guard up a bit despite her feelings? Liv did seem to piss her off in the end. Or will she accept the fact that Liv wasn't casting judgement and that she was just asking?**

 **What's Liv gonna do to Al?... tell me what you think, reviews are great.**


	17. Actions Speak Louder Than Words

**This is a sexual chapter so please be advised. The last chapter lead up to this, I hope you enjoy the way I brought them together. Amanda needed to feel it and be shown she is an attractive woman and most importantly she wants to be attractive to Liv. Plus with all from last chapter I wanted to give a little bit offluff**. O **Oh and for that Guest reader who keeps leaving nasty comments on my stories. Heres something for you... Opinions are like assholes everyone has them**

Olivia still had her hand in the small of Amanda's back. She honestly didnt realize that her saying that Al was supposedly a changed man would do this to Amanda. She turned Amanda around gently in her arms. Amanda stiffening at first, she was mad and hurt, the last person she wanted to hold her right now was infact the woman holding her right now.

She felt bad for hurting Amanda. She hadnt wanted to do that. " _Amanda, sweetie, look I'm so sorry for hurting you. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I just wanted you to see that you deserve better than what you got._ " Amanda relaxed a little bit in Liv's hold. She had to admit being in the brunette's arms felt good, felt safe. Plus the baby seemed to relax more when Liv was around. Amanda braced herself to talk again. " _That's kinda hard when all you have gotten is shit on. Liv the things I have told you, I have never told anyone else. It takes alot for me to trust someone, and I laid that trust in you, and for you to say that to me. Just slapped me in the face pretty much. But I am exhausted and I need to get some rest. Oh by the way thanks for everything. I couldnt feel more alone with my thoughts than I do now._ "

With that Amanda wiped her eyes, rubbed her belly real quick and went back inside. She needed some sleep and the kids were not late sleepers so she wasnt going to get much rest. Liv walked in after her. She didnt follow to the bedroom, she figured let Amanda get comfortable and if she was wanted in the bedroom she'd go in but for now she'd get herself set up on the couch. When she didnt hear anything from Amanda she laid down on the couch. It had been a long evening. The clock chiming on just two am. Liv couldnt sleep, she was worried about Amanda, not to mention the fact she had gotten used to cuddling with the blonde in bed. She wanted to do that tonight but Amanda was too upset. Amanda was in her room, she hated nighttime alone. She wanted to cuddle with Liv, bit would Liv even want to cuddle with her after she went on a rampage? She could blame it on the pregnancy hormones. Whatever she would just eat it up, as long as she could get Liv to cuddle her. She pulled on her robe and went out to Liv. The baby giving a nudge, she took that as that she was doing the right thing. When she got out to the living room, she saw Liv just resting. The taller brunette's eyes closed. She got closer to Liv, her eyes began to fill up with tears. Her voice soft as she spoke, " _Um...Liv...I uh...I know I was a complete bitch to you..._ " Liv sat up, looking at the blonde, "Honey what do you need?" Amanda was feeling ashamed for the way she blew up at Liv but she wanted and even needed her to hold her. " _Liv, I know I fucked up tonight, but I sleep better when I'm held. Would you hold me? Even if you get up after I fall asleep? Please?_ " Amanda felt vulnerable after asking especially after being such a bitch and attacking Liv. Liv looked at her, she wanted nothing more than to hold this glowing woman. She reached out and took her hand. "Sure sweetie I can hold you. I like having you in my arms. Amanda's eyes cut down, she didnt want to cuddle on the couch as there wasnt much room for one and if Liv wanted some space she wouldnt be able to get it. " _Can we cuddle in the bed? Incase you need or want to get away from me, you'd still have a comfortable spot."_

Olivia's eyes were soft on Amanda, trying to get a read why she felt she needed to justify being close to someone. That would probably never be known. She couldnt bear why Amanda was so negative when it came to needing someone, and needing comfort but at the same time she did understand it. "No, Manda... Honey I like laying next to you and holding you. It gives me a sense of security if that makes sense, but since you were so upset, I figured you wanted your space." She stood up and allowed the blonde to lead her to the bedroom. Her voice soft, " _Last thing I want or need is space._ " When they got to the room Amanda went and sat on her side of the bed. Liv closed the door and leaving it cracked incase the kids needed anything. Seeing Amanda sitting on her side of the bed she went and laid down somewhat close to her. "Honey whatever you need I'm here. You're not alone."

They both just sat there for a minute until Liv put her hand on Amanda's back and started massaging, well as much as she could through the soft fabric of the worn robe Amanda had on. Amanda leaned more into the touch, it felt nice. Liv hugged her quickly. "Do you mind if I take the robe off? It'll make it easier to massage your back. Amanda nodded that it was okay. Liv gently put her arms around the swell of Amanda's belly and untied the strings holding the robe closed. She slipped the soft material down the blondes arms. After Liv did that Amanda turned around to face her. Amanda's voice soft and uncertain but also filled with want and need.

" _Liv, I know we've kissed and made out, but I need you to be honest with me. Hell we have even admitted to falling in love with each other. Do you find me attractive? I myself dont feel attractive as come on I can barely see my feet anymore and I'm just well fat._ "

Liv looked over at the blonde who was questioning her beauty. God this woman was gorgeous. Liv felt more partial to the fact that the woman she was attracted to was swollen with a little life inside of her. Liv placed her hands back on that swell "Oh honey, of course I find you attractive. How could I not? Amanda you are absolutely beautiful." Since Amanda was still looking at her she placed a soft chaste kiss on Amanda's lips. "Oh sweetie, I promise. Hand to god I do, or so help me you can kick my ass after the baby is born." Amanda swatted at a tear coming down. Chuckling she replied that she'd take Liv up on that. She needed to muster up the courage but didnt know how. She wanted Liv to touch her, she wanted Liv to show her and make her feel attractive. Amanda didnt have the words to completely voice what she wanted as she felt a bit embarrassed of wanting this. She took Liv's hand and placed it near her heat, wasnt skin to skin just yet but she figured it would be enough to show her what she infact wanted. Liv looked into her eyes as her hint was understood. She nipped at Amanda's lips lightly, when she spoke her voice was a husky whisper and her eyes were dark and lust filled " _Let me show you just how attractive I happen to think you are._ "

She moved her hand to caress Amanda's face, gently brushing her hair back away. Liv gently kissed the top of her head, then each of her cheeks, then she claimed her lips in a fiery passion. Amanda reciprocating the kiss and wrapping her arms around Liv's neck. Liv trailed her hands down Amanda's shirt stopping at the hem, she asked Amanda if she could remove it, Amanda told her yes. She rid the blonde of the intrusive garment and the beauty that was before her eyes, she didnt have the words to properly describe it. Amanda feeling self conscious as Liv just looked at her attempted to cross her arms over her swollen breasts. Liv cocked her head at her, "Honey dont cover up, let me look at you please. You are so beautiful." To prove her point she placed a kiss in the middle of the blondes chest making her arch just a bit. She smiled when she got the reaction. She then took time on each breast bringing them to their peak. As she did that Amanda let out a breathy moan. It was the sweetest sound to Liv's ears. She then kissed her way down, Amanda tried to get her from kissing her belly which got Liv to come up and kiss her lips. Amanda then got Liv's shirt off and pulled her closer, skin to skin. Made Liv wonder why she wasnt letting her go any further. Liv wanted to show the baby some love so she pushed herself up with a little bit of resistance from Amanda. So she softly spoke, "Sweetheart, let me show all of you love. I love this baby belly of yours." As she said that she bent down and kissed Amanda's swollen belly. She even talk talked the baby quickly, murmuring sweet words of love and support. Liv continued to kiss her way down to Amanda's heat. Liv gently brought her fingers down closer to Amanda's heat. Tonight was all about appreciating the beauty of this woman and showing her just how gorgeous she was. Her fingers circled through Amanda's swollen heat, eliciting a long moan. One Amanda hadnt herself use in a long time. Wanting. Needing. Her feelings safe and secure with the brunette. But just as she was enjoying the touching her mind messed with her as she felt herself shrinking away. Amanda's hand softly grabbed the brunette's wrist to pull away but it felt so good. Made her feel good. Tears fell down Amanda's pale cheeks as she loved how gentle Liv was but her fervor was she was always scared during sex because of her past. Olivia's mouth meets Amanda in a soft but knowing kiss. It was a kiss that told of feelings. She then began trailing her lips down Amanda's body once again. Taking pleasure in the soft pale skin against her lips and her touch. Soft and silky. Only thoughts going through Liv's mind were how this woman under her had unparalled beauty and she was lucky enough to be able to discover it. As soon as Liv's head was close to Amanda's heat she looked up into those beautiful blue eyes looking at her, watching her. Liv spoke gently "Sweetie can you lay back please?" Her voice wa soft and tender. As she said that she herself got up, Amanda got a full view of Liv's beautiful breasts as well as toned belly; Liv was adjusting the pillows to make it more comfortable for the beauty before her. Amanda this time spoke and touched Liv's breast with such a tenderness that Liv felt butterflies. "Liv you are beautiful." Liv blushed slightly. Olivia's eyes never leaving Amanda's until her mouth made the first contact with Amanda's heat. The blonde being the first to break the eye contact as she threw her head back a little, biting her lip as she felt Olivia's tongue working against her throbbing core. She was aching and yearning for more, but Olivia was intent on taking her time and properly making love to Amanda. Though the feelings were making Amanda want Liv to pick up the pace but it was also a good pace for her.

Amanda reaches her peak at orgasm, but Liv stays focused on her, her tongue and finger still working their magic on that bundle of nerves that had just exploded. Liv lovingly lapped up the juices that Amanda had released. Satisfied she had done her job she started kissing Amanda's skin all the way back up to her lips. Nibbling here and there, placing gentle kisses as well on her trail back up. Making sure she gave her breasts some more attention as well. When Liv finally finished her trail up to Amanda's beautiful face she saw tears coming down her cheeks. Amanda however wasnt crying for anything done wrong, the tears fell cause for the first time in a very long time she enjoyed sex with a partner and had amazing satisfaction with how attentive Olivia was. She made her body hum. After Liv kissed her lovingly Amanda found her voice to speak. " _Liv...You're amazing. That... That was... Liv that was amazing and it felt so good. Noone I have been with has ever. And I mean it._ " She was trying her hardest to put the effort in saying something to Olivia, to tell her how she was feeling but she couldnt. She couldnt find the words. She kissed Liv with a passion that showed her how grateful she was to be with someone like her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After a few moments, Liv drew her hand softly from Amanda's belly up to her chest. "So honey, how are you feeling?" Amanda looked at Liv with a soft smile. Liv continued on "Sweetheart, I have waited so long to do this, I've wanted the moment to be perfect, I've envisioned it at least a hundred times. Making love to you that is. I finally get to show you how I feel about you." Amanda was at a loss of what to say. Noone had ever said anything like this to her before. She didnt want to push her luck so she attempted to get out of bed and put some pajamas on. When she did that Liv put her hand gently on Amanda's to try and stop her. "Where you going sweetie?" Amanda proceeded to tell her she was gonna get dressed. "I'm just gonna get some pjs on Liv." Liv kept a hold of the softer pale hand. "But why beautiful, this is nice laying with you. I like how you feel without the barriers. Can we just lay like this?" Amanda looked at her and laid back down, she had to admit it felt good not having to get dressed and just laying. "Amanda I didnt hurt you or the baby did I?" Amanda turned to face Liv, she took her hand and placed it on her belly right where baby was sitting. "No Liv you didnt at all. The baby is content as am I. No one has ever asked about what I wanted...what I needed. Noone has ever made me feel as comfortable as you have. You know Liv I dont think I'm falling in love with you anymore." Liv looked at the blonde, Amanda saw a flash of hurt flicker. "Liv dont look at me like that, let me finish. The reason being for that Liv is because _I am in love with you_." Liv smiled at the revelation cause it confirmed the blonde felt the same. "Amanda sweetheart you dont know how happy that makes me. Amanda Rollins, I have been in love with you for quite some time. I kept it quiet as I didnt want to ruin your happiness or what I thought was happiness with Al. So I kept it to myself. Tonight being able to show you how I feel, was incredible for me. So I will say it back to you. Amanda _I am in love with you_. Amanda looked at Liv she wanted to cuddle and kiss. Liv just gently pulled the blonde to her, mindful of the swollen belly she wanted to hold her lady. When she wrapped her arms around Amanda, Amanda kissed her this kiss was full of love. After they broke the kiss Amanda laid her head on Liv's chest. Amanda spoke " _this is where I belong. I'm not squishing you am I? Cause I can move over._ " Liv kept her grip "Dont you dare move. I love cuddling with you. You are right. This is where you belong." She placed another gentle kiss in the blondes hair and rubbed her back til they both fell into a comfortable slumber.

The next morning they were awoken by the sound of their kids raising hell and having fun with Frannie. Liv kissed Amanda's forehead. "Well mi amor that's our cue to get up. Liv got up, threw her panties, sweats and a t-shirt on. She then helped up Amanda by pulling her up gently and letting her get her bearings. She then helped the pregnant mom to be get dressed in comfy clothes so they could go out to their kids. They shared a short kiss and walked out of the bedroom hand in hand.

"Good morning Noah, Jesse and Frannie."

 **So they made love, well Liv made love to Amanda. Amanda needed it. What do you think for the next chapter? I think now that Olivia knows and yes a reader gave me this idea, maybe she can talk Amanda into pressing charges. That way Al will have no standing on the custody papers he had served a little while back. As always CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcome as are reviews too. Till the next chapter.**


	18. He Needs To Face Repercussions

The two of them joined their kids. The kids being excited since it was a weekend, meant they could play. Liv and Amanda were both in the kitchen trying to figure what to do for the kids and themselves for breakfast. Liv had some eggs and bacon going. Amanda was attempting to do the toast when Liv kissed her nose. "Sweetheart why dont you sit down and get off your feet?" Amanda nudged her and complained that she wanted to help. Liv giggled and let her help. This woman had stolen her heart and there was no getting back now, not that she wanted to.

As they are getting the table set and breakfast on the table, Noah and Jesse overhearing the small talk and bantering of their moms. Noah said to Jesse "I like when you guys are here. It's fun. I hope you never leave." Jesse smiled. She loved playing with Noah and just hanging out. "Me too Noah. I like being here." Breakfast was made and finished rather quickly. The kids chattering to themselves, as well as both of them wanting to feel the new baby. Liv loved seeing Noah so curious about the baby and how trusting he was of Amanda. He huggged Amanda, and whispered something to the baby. As he did the baby kicked. Amanda giggled "Noah what did you say? This little one is going crazy now." Noah smiled. "I just told the baby that I hope we stay close and that maybe he or she can be like my little brother or sister." Both Amanda and Liv teared up. Amanda took his hand and placed it on her belly again, "Sweetheart, this baby will know that he or she will have not only a big sister that loves them very much but also a big brother too. You've been such a great big brother to Jesse too." Jesse smiled. He and Jesse went to play in the living room, Jesse had gained a love for legos and liked to build. As they were building a house they started chattering. Jesse had made a big house and Noah had asked her why so big. "Cause Noah, it's big enough for us all to live in. You, me, mommy, Auntie Livia and the new baby. It's something I really want." Noah begins to reply to Jesse but the two adults in the room interjected. Amanda went first.

"Jesse, my love, we are only staying for a little while til I get my own apartment. We shouldnt have Auntie Liv do something that big for us babygirl." Olivia looked at Amanda after just witnessing again the bonding between her son and her now girlfriend. The way she took his feelings into consideration, the way he interacted with the unborn baby told all.

Liv smiled. " _Actually darlin' I wouldnt mind at all if this living situation were to become more permanent. I'll be a bit lost when you, Jesse, Frannie and the new baby find a new place. I actually am on Jesse's team this time._ "

Amanda cocked her head slightly to look at Liv. Her hand gingerly rubbing her belly. " _Um wait a minute, are you saying you want us to move in?_ Liv smiled. She really didnt want to be apart from the woman in front of her. Though it had been only a few days of them staying at her apartment she had gotten used to having them there. " _Yes Amanda, I am saying I would really like it if you stayed permanently with me. We can look into a bigger place eventually. The kids are good right now with their room, the baby can stay with us. But all in all I would like you to move in with me._ " Amanda was shell shocked. She wanted this as well. Jesse was adjusted and comfortable where she was at. Amanda had tears in her eyes, but she trusted her judgement with this. " _Yes Liv, I think we will take you up on that. As long as it is what you really want._ " The kids were jumping around hearing this. All Amanda and Olivia could hear was "YAY, YAY, YAY." Liv looked at Amanda "I think we made them extremely happy." Amanda nodded she knew they did. The kids ended up eating their breakfast and then went to go play. Liv felt this would be a good time to bring up pressing charges on Al.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Early Afternoon

They had all gotten dressed. The kids were playin again. So they werent disturbed in their building they went into the bedroom. This gave Olivia the opportunity to bring up charges. Amanda had sat on the couch and propped her feet up, still in a bit of disbelief that Olivia actually wanted her to move in.

Liv came over and sat down next to Amanda. It was now or never for her to bring up pressing charges on Al. "Honey we need to talk." Amanda looked over at Liv she had the doe eyes like she was a deer caught in the headlights. Her guard went right up. She feared Jesse had overstepped her boundaries and Liv was just nice to her so her feelings wouldnt get hurt. Amanda's words came out in rapid speed. " _WedonthavetomoveinLiv. ImsorryJesseputyouonthespot_." Liv shook her head, she wanted them to move in more than anything. Liv touched her hand, patting it and then rubbing her thumb over it. "No no honey. I want you to move in. It's not that. How do I say this lightly? I cant so I'm just gonna say it. I want you to press charges on Al for rape."

Amanda's eyes went wide. Big blue eyes staring at Liv in shock. "Liv, No. No, let's just leave it alone. He'll get the idea." Liv looked at her and pulled her closer and even rested Amanda's head on her shoulder. "Sweetie, we cant let him get away with this. Honey he abused you in the worst way possible. Amanda in all seriousness we have to do something, we cant have any chance this son of a bitch can get some kind of custody. Another thing Honey..." Amanda had looked down, chin quivering as she was on the verge of tears. Liv gently lifted her chin so she wasnt looking down. "Honey another thing, I would be with you the entire time. Right there listening and giving you support."

Amanda took a deep breath. She really didnt want to do this. She just wanted Al to be gone. She also felt like a ass for being in this position. Plus another thing too, she really didnt want Fin and Carisi to think she was weak. Though she felt she was. She really feared they would think differently of her. "Liv, I know you will. Trust me I know. I am just worried that the guys are going to start thinking I cant keep my ass out of drama." Liv pulled her close once again, kissing her forehead. "Oh honey they wont. They are gonna want his ass in jail." Amanda thought for a minute. "You swear you're gonna stay with me the whole time? You wont leave?" Liv squeezed her lightly. "Honey I'm here through everything. We are together sweetie. You're never gonna be alone again. The guys will respect whatever wishes you want and you know they wont think any little of you. We all know what a strong lady you are." Amanda finally agreed to press charges on Al. Liv called Lucy to come watch the kids, she came over with no hesitation. Liv and Amanda got dressed and headed to the precinct.

At the precinct...

So Olivia and Amanda get to the precinct. God she didnt want to do this but she knew she needed to. Olivia had Fin and Carisi gather at Amanda's desk. She started off by saying that they need to rally around Amanda more than ever right now as they take Al to court on charges. Liv however is reluctant to say that one of the charges included rape. She knew Amanda felt humiliated as it was and didnt want to add to it anymore than she already had.

Fin looked at them quickly and then over to Amanda, the woman who had been his partner for years now and had become a really good friend, pretty much his little sister. The look on her face was an unreadable hurt. Carisi noticed it too, he went out and got her a glass of water. He came back in to Amanda telling Fin what she had told Olivia. That this baby was conceived out of an assault by Dr. Al. Carisi drops the cup in anger after what he just heard. Apologizing profusely for dropping the water he cleaned up the spill and then to went to get Amanda another cup. He put his hand on her shoulder as a sign of support. "Amanda I'm sorry. What can we do for you? We have to get this son of a bitch." Liv sent them off to go and find Dr. Al. Amanda began rubbing her belly vigorously. The baby was really active today and very painful. Her groans as she shifted in her seat prompted Liv to ask if she was okay. Amanda squeezed her eyes shut as she got another surge of pain. Taking a pained breath she got up. "Liv, I dont know what the hell is wrong, but it feels like Im going into labor."

Liv took the few short steps over to her girlfriend to see if maybe the baby would ease with her touch. She no sooner was at her girlfriend's side when her girlfriend's face goes from plain face to worried and grimaced in pain. " _Liv, um... I'm goin into labor... My uh... my water just broke._ "

 **So Amanda is in labor... Baby is coming soon... Next chapter...**


	19. Welcoming A New Life Into The World

Liv took her hand, pulled her up gently and began walking her to her car. "Let's get to the hospital." Amanda nodded. "You're gonna need a towel or blanket so I dont ruin your seat." When they got to her car, Liv opened the door and guided Amanda inside. "Honey I dont care bout my seats, they can be cleaned. You're in labor and in pain." Liv got into the driver's side and took off. Amanda had taken ahold of her free hand and was squeezing it every time a contraction hit. So far her contractions were like seven minutes apart.

They got to the hospital and the contractions were coming faster. Amanda was so uncomfortable. She asked for an epidural. Unfortunately where the contractions were coming so quickly there was no time. She looked at Liv, who was right by her bed, squeezing her hand "Sweetheart I'm right here."

Liv text Fin. "At Mercy, Amanda is in hard labor. Baby will be here soon."

He text back that they were currently there in search of Al. Liv told him that she'd keep them posted on Amanda.

Amanda was writhing in pain. The baby was definitly coming. Scared just a bit as the baby was early. She started to cry. Liv kept rubbing her head reassurring her. Her obgyn had just scrubbed in and talked to her while he checked her out. "Well Amanda good thing is you are fully dilated and the baby is gonna be here asap. Bad thing which you already know is you're not able to have an epidural." Neither of them prepared for the screams. Noone really knew how loud Amanda could scream. They were about to find out.

The doctor told her to push. Liv held her hand, didnt bother her how hard this woman was squeezing this was a beautiful moment. She pushed a few more times and the doctor told her to rest. Liv noticed Amanda was getting tired, she took a cool compress and put it on Amanda's forehead. After a little bit the doctor told her to begin pushing again. It was about ten minutes later that the doc could see the baby's head. He told her one more push and baby would be here. Amanda was out of breath and tired. Liv kissed her forehead " _Love you can do it. One more push and we get to meet your new baby._ " Amanda smiled, took a deep breath and pushed. A second later they heard that unmistakable cry, that beautiful cry of a newborn. The doctor spoke, breaking them of their thoughts. "Congratulations Amanda, you have another baby girl." Liv looked at her. "Aww Mi Amor she's beautiful and perfect." Amanda teared up, with just delivering a baby and Liv calling her "Love". The doctor looked at Liv, he too felt Amanda finally had the support she needed. He spoke to Liv "Olivia, would you like to cut the baby's umbilical cord and hand her to Amanda?" Liv smiled, happy tears fell down her face. "I'd be honored." He handed her the tool to cut the baby's cord. She did so and he had given a blanket to wrap the baby in. He took the baby quickly to clean her off and oh that wail of the newborn infant. When he handed her back to Liv she put the diaper on her and swaddled her in a fresh blanket. As she did that she murmured to the baby " _you are a beautiful baby girl. so glad I got to do this and meet you. You're mama is excited to meet you too. She loves you so much, and I already love you too._ " Kissing the baby's forehead softly, she handed the baby to Amanda. Amanda kissed the baby that was now in her arms. She murmured softly " _Hi babygirl, I'm your mama._ " The baby fussed a little bit as she was hungry. Amanda who was tired, was a little shy in asking but she kind of needed help to get the baby latched so she could breast feed. " _Um Liv, would you mind helping me get her latched on? When I had Jesse the nurse helped._ " Liv smiled. She couldnt have been more honored. Sharing this whole moment with Amanda was more beautiful than anything she had ever witnessed, well this and Noah's adoption being final. Two best moments in her life. She held the baby, as Amanda pulled her gown down to expose her breast. Liv looked at her, she could see the nerves kick in as it had been some time between when she had Jesse and now. Liv handed the baby over to her once she had gotten comfortable. Sitting next to her on the bed. Liv lovingly watched as Amanda worked with trying to get the beautiful little newborn latched. Though it wasnt quite working. The baby was having trouble latching and Amanda started to get upset.

Her voice tired and teary. " _Billie please baby... please latch so mama can feed you. Please baby girl._ " The baby fussed as she could feel the tension in her mama. Liv looked at Amanda, "Honey you need to relax, she's feeding off your tenseness." Amanda nodded, she was just wound up and tired. Liv put her hand on Amanda's shoulder lightly. She smiled as she spoke this time around. " _My love, here let me help you get Billie latched. By the way what a beautiful name sweetheart._ " Amanda nodded, god why couldnt she get the baby to latch on her own. They both teamed up and got Billie to successfully latch. The sweet sound of a newborn suckling on the nutrients her mama was giving her was just beautiful. Liv kissed Amanda lightly on the lips "She's beautiful Amanda, just like her mama and her sister. I thank you so much for letting me share all this with you." She took a sweet pic of mama and newborn daughter for herself and she'd send it to Amanda as well.

She watched her girlfriend feed her child. It was the most beautiful thing. She sent a quick text to Finn and Carisi telling them the baby had arrived.

" **The baby is here. Amanda had another girl. Her name is Billie. She was 6lbs 9oz. 19 inches long. Both she and Amanda are doing well. Come on by when you guys get the chance."**

When the baby finished eating Amanda needed to go use the rest room. Liv took the time to give Billie a fresh diaper and swaddle her. She was murmuring to the baby how much she loved her already and how much she loved her mom and big sister. Fin had text her back saying they would be by later and would pick up Jesse and Noah to visit as well. Her idea came fast, but this was what she wanted, and she had wanted this her whole life. She literally trying to look forward could see any other person in her life other than Amanda. The woman had stolen her heart. Many reasons why.

Amanda came out of the restroom, she felt a bit more refreshed. She looked at Liv. Liv saw her come out and went over to help her walk back, that and she just wanted to hold her hand. Amanda rested her head on her shoulder. Smiling she felt at ease and not the least bit self conscious like she did around Al. Liv asked her if she wanted anything to eat. She was hungry but she didnt feel like eating. She was more thirsty than anything. All she wanted was to relax with the person besides her children who meant the world to her. Her voice is raspy and scratchy from the screaming earlier when pushing out Billie. " _Ever since I decided I was keeping the baby, this is exactly what I envisioned. I envisioned you here with me, sharing in this moment. I really couldnt be happier._ " Sitting with Amanda on the bed, "I'm so happy you feel that way." She gave Amanda a little squeeze as she didnt want to put too much pressure on her belly as she knew Amanda would be sore. Olivia knelt down infront of Amanda, she didnt have an engagement ring at the moment so the one she was wearing currently would have to suffice. It was a simple gold band that she had gotten when her mother passed away years ago.

" _Amanda, we've-_ " She wasnt able to get out the rest of it as she was interrupted by none other than Al Pollack walking into the room. Seems his lawyer had gotten him out with a promise to appear. " **Amanda** "

" _Al, wh-wh-what are you doing here? I told you I was done repeatedly. I had the baby early cause of your stunts. Thankfully she is healthy and okay._ " Saying that she got up from the bed and walked the short distance to where Billie was sleeping peacefully. Though it was painful to stand up she stood anyway guarding her child from this abusive man. Amanda was puzzled and just a bit angry as to how and why Al was here in her room. Her voice cold and warning. "You can leave Al. You never wanted the baby in the first place so stop fucking pretending you all the sudden want her." He stood and looked at her. He really didnt want to get in trouble at the hospital again especially more so since right now he wasnt employed there. Which was all thanks to the woman in front of him. He reluctantly left muttering as he walked out that they hadnt seen the last of Al Pollack. He just stayed at the doorway.

Olivia knelt once again infront of Amanda, as well as infront of the newborn baby girl she looked at as her other daughter. Jesse being first of course. She gently takes Amanda's hand in her own.

" _Amanda, let me start this again as I was so rudely interrupted..._ " after shooting a dirty look at the so-called man at the doorway. He just stood there, kind of unnerving but Liv wasnt going to let it get to her, plus she was right there with Amanda and baby Billie. Her brown eyes sought those beautiful blue orbs she had gotten so fond of looking into especially lately.

" _As I was starting to say. Amanda we have been through all sorts of hell and back over the years. Past couple years we have gotten closer, more so with Jesse and Noah hanging out together. I've gotten to know you, the person and not just the detective. I see how you are so fierce at work and all business but underneath that exterior I am privelaged to see what I call the 'real Amanda'. You are a woman with a beautiful heart and soul, once you get past the walls. Ill admit it took me quite a while to do just that. Wasnt a great start as I was not in a great place especially with Elliot's departure. I treated you like shit and I regret that now. Even regret how I approached you when you disclosed your ordeal with Patton. I should have been there for you, rather than give you some card to see a shrink. But we have overcome so much, and we have gotten so close. I never knew I could fall madly in love with someone until it happened with you. We made love for the first time and it was like we became one. I have never had that before. Now I want that for an eternity and the only person I want that with is you. We have a good dynamic, and a good family. This may have happened fast but I wouldnt have it any other way. Will you do me the honor of becoming my forever? Amanda Rollins, you made me fall in love, I want to know if you will make me the happiest I've been in the longest time and marry me?"_ Olivia took off the golden band that she had been wearing and slipped it on Amanda's ring finger.

The brunette had rendered her speechless, she had tears in her eyes. This whole day had been extremely emotional the birth of her second child, the woman she was in love with being there every step of the way and now that same woman had just asked her to marry her.

" _Oh wow Liv... I dont even know what to say. I...I'm speechless, but I'm gonna try like hell, as I wrap my mind over what just happened. We've been through so much. Granted not so much the beginning of my working at NYPDSVU, but that has changed so much over the years. We've had spats and whatnot but we have overcome them to get to where we are now. You've helped me grow, I came up from Atlanta studying your style and how you put away all those perps, shit I even looked and sounded like a hopeless fangirl. As we've grown together especially these past few years, I've grown to trust you and even now I trust you more than anyone. I trust Fin with my life yes, and he's my big brother, but my love for you, grows with that trust. So as long as you promise to never break my heart, and to love me even when I fuck up, then I will trust you with my heart and take your last name. So yes Olivia Benson... I will marry you..."_

Liv stood up, her knees cracking in the wake of kneeling for such a long period. When she stood up, Amanda wrapped her arms around her neck. "Liv I honestly cant even voice how much I love you, how much you mean to me. Glad I will have a lifetime to share and prove." Just as she gave Liv quick peck on the cheek Jesse came running in with Fin, Carisi and Noah. Fin and Carisi stayed a little bit to meet the baby and then took off. She was so excited "Mama, Mama, am I a big sister to a little sister or a little brother?" Jesse putting her arms around Amanda's waist and hugging her. Amanda smiled. "Well my sweet baby girl, you are now the big sister of a baby sister." She brought Jesse over to where Billie was still asleep. "Jesse meet Billie." Jesse was elated. Liv brought Noah over to see Billie. He smiled, she was so cute and tiny. "Mama are Auntie, Jesse, Billie and Frannie still going to stay with us?" Liv smiled, "Yes they are my boy. Do you mind if they all stay with us?" He said no. He went over and gave Amanda a huge hug. "Auntie, since you said Jesse is like my little sister, does that mean Billie is too?" This made both Amanda and Olivia smile. "Noah honey, if you want her to be she can be as well." Feeling a strand of hair come down on her face she quickly brushed it back. Noah saw a gold band on her finger. "Auntie, can I see the ring on your finger?" Amanda glanced at Liv and brought her hand down so Noah could look at the ring. He recognized it well, as his mama never went anywhere without it. Liv hugged him, "Yes sweetboy that is my ring that Amanda is wearing." Amanda took this time to call Jesse over closer as she had seen something out of the window. " _Noah, sweet boy, your mama and I love each other very, very much. You asked that question some time ago. So not only will we all live together, but your mama here asked me to marry her and I said yes. So the five of us plus Frannie girl are going to be a family forever. How does that sound_?" Oh Noah and Jesse couldnt be happier. The two kids had gotten extremely close. It got to be late so Liv called Lucy to see if she would stay with the kids and Frannie overnight. Of course Lucy agreed to and told them no problem. She headed to get them, when she got there Billie was waking up as she was hungry. Lucy told her congratulations, both Jesse and Noah kissed Billie goodbye as well as doing the same to Liv and Amanda. Liv gave Lucy some money to take the kids to dinner and get icecream.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Outside hospital...

Al recognizes both Fin and Carisi from the pictures that Amanda had in her apartment. He casually walked up to them. He had that arrogance, that arrogance that set Fin off. With sarcasm in his tone he asked "What can I do for New York's finest?" Fin scowled, as that arrogannce pissed him off. No faster than he went to talk again did he get kneed and pushed to the ground by Fin. This motherfucker had fucked with his family, he didnt like that. Fin the violently grabbed his shirt, pulled him up off the ground and threw him against the wall. "ALRIGHT FIN, THAT'S ENOUGH! Carisi yelled pulling Fin back to focus. Pushing Fin off Al and taking care of the next part. He growled and snapped Al's arm so hard he comes close to breaking it. "That's for hurting Amanda, Punk!" He slaps the cuffs on Al tightly before taking him to the squad car.

Back in Amanda's room...

Liv watched as Amanda fed her baby, well technically now their baby. Fin had text her that he and Carisi had arrested Al. Liv couldnt be happier. She really did have the family she had always wanted. She may not be able to bear a child anymore but she would now be helping to raise a newborn little girl with the woman that she loved. Amanda looked as Liv watched her feed their baby. Even though Al was the father of the baby, Liv was the other parent.

Amanda softened her gaze on the woman she loved, her softened gaze filled with nothing but love for the brunette that was sharing the room at the moment. Her voice soft and barely audible. " _Liv...I understand today has been a long ass day, and if you'd rather be in the comfort of your own bed, but I was hoping, that maybe, you would ummm... If you would stay with me and Billie."_

How could Liv say no? She hadnt spent a night away from her now fiance since this all went down with Al. " _Sure mi amor, I'll stay with you. Then tomorrow I can get you situated at home and go grab some things we need for the baby._ " This made Amanda happy and relieved. She really hadnt wanted to spend the night without Liv either. Liv went and grabbed them some food from the cafeteria. She grabbed some soup and sandwiches figuring it might settle Amanda's belly. After they ate, Amanda laid back down to rest, Liv checked on Billie, changed her diaper and swaddled her once more. Amanda fiddled with the ring on her finger. It meant alot to her but she also wanted to know what made Liv all the sudden propose and want to spend a lifetime together.

Amanda still was very skittish despite how much she loved Olivia. She had wanted this for so long that it hadnt become a reality to Amanda that Olivia truly loved her and wanted everything with her. You had to take in the fact of her family life and growing up, she wasnt cared about except to take care of Kim. Also taking into consideration her past relationships and hook ups, they sure werent the most positive experiences of relationships and even sexual encounters. Amanda suddenly felt herself closing off again as her emotions overwhelmed her and she broke down in tears. Olivia caught on quickly,"Baby what's wrong? Please talk to me." She tried her best to soothe her love.

The blonde who was extremely emotional from the events that took place today, giving birth was a very emotional experience. Then to top it off the woman she loved with all her heart asked her to marry her. She just was having trouble understanding why Liv would pick her, she had alot of baggage. Namely two kids without present fathers. She took Liv's hand and weaved their fingers together. " _Hey Liv, can I ask what made you decide to propose? Not that I'm complaining, cause I'm definitly not. I'm just curious as to what makes you want to spend a lifetime with me and have a family? I barely even want to live with myself, and I've been shown that as well. Of course I want to, more than anything in this world. But coming from someone who's never really meant a damn thing to anyone except for Jesse..._ " She couldnt finish without tears falling down her eyes.

Olivia saw the fear and uncertainity in Amanda's eyes. "Manda...I feared the same thing for so long. Honey. Fear, insecurity and self-doubt drags you down and beats you until you're in tears, just closing everyone and everything off. But you, baby you can push yourself and involve yourself, all that can push the fear to the side. Believe me Amanda, some days I'd lay in my bed asking 'why the fuck am I here. Then I'd wonder why I wasnt good enough until I finally realized it was cause I was closing myself off and pushing people away. Babe when we decided to start this thing with us, I pushed all that fear to the side and let myself feel. You know what, when I did that it lead me to my true feelings for you. Baby when I said I fell in love with you I did. I fell hard. That's why I want us to live together, us and our kids. Yes they are our kids. And most importantly... _That's why I want to marry you_."

Liv could see Amanda getting really tired. "Honey why dont you lay back and try to get some sleep." Amanda laid back. When Liv went to cover her up she started to tear up again. Olivia goes to take a seat in the chair that she had pulled next to Amanda's hospital bed, but the blonde held onto Liv's wrist. Olivia turned back towards Amanda. "What is it baby?" Her voice was soft, gentle, wondering what Amanda needed and or wanted. The blonde stayed silent. Liv's soft brown eyes searched Amanda's blue eyes and knew what she wanted. She kissed the blondes knuckes, kicked her shoes off and made herself comfortable in the hospital bed with the blonde. Amanda grateful for the fact she didnt have to vocalize what she needed, Liv just knew. Once Liv got comfortable, Amanda turned around, kissed her lips and laid her head on Liv's chest. Her voice soft and full of impending sleep. " _I love you Liv._ ". Liv squeezed her gently, kissing the tousled blonde locks, " _I love you too Manda._ "

 **So Amanda had the baby. Al is still an ass. May have him pop up again. Don't worry with the squad, Liv and Amanda he aint getting anywhere near baby Billie. What did yall think of the proposal. I wasn't going for that, but just the scene and where it was going called for that. I think they will be great moms and have a beautiful family together. As always reviews are great. Next chapter will be bringing baby home and maybe looking for a bigger place. How bout Noah noticing his mamas ring?**


	20. Starting Things Over

Thankyou all for being so patient.. I know this took awhile. Hope you like this chapter. Thank you to someone special for once again helping me out with ideas.

 _ **It had been a few weeks since Amanda had given birth to Billie. Two big events in one day. The birth of her second daughter, and Olivia proposing. Since she had moved out of Al's she, Jesse and now baby Billie were living with Olivia and Noah in a cramped apartment; the kids of course didnt mind, they had someone to play with everyday.**_

She was still on edge with pregnancy and after-birth hormones. She was grateful for her now fiance, god how it felt wierd but a good wierd that she had a fiance. She was grateful for the fact Liv was there helping to care for the infant since she had taken maternity leave with Amanda. Amanda still couldnt wrap her head around the fact that Olivia truly loves her and that she wants to marry her. It blew Amanda's mind. Seeing that Jesse and Noah were at school and preschool, it was just Amanda, Liv and Billie at the small apartment. After getting Billie down for nap Amanda sat on their couch in the living room fiddling with the ring on her finger, the very ring that up until the other day Olivia had worn all the time. Olivia had asked she Amanda Rollins to marry her and placed that ring on her finger. She was overthing things, like she usually did. Her mind loved to do that to her. In all her thirty - nine years she didnt know what love really was, let me rephrase that since she loved her children more than life itself. She didnt know what love really was from a partner or family. All that was wanted from her was sex. Never a care, never love, just sex and lust. But that changed recently. Enter a woman who was not only able but was willing found her. She wanted to love her like she needed and deserved.

Tears streamed down her face. Liv had just set Billie down in the bassinet, when she turned around she saw Amanda crying. Not saying a word she walked over to the couch and sat down beside her. "Hey, Mi Amor, whats wrong?" She spoke softly while stroking Amanda's head gently. Amanda shook off Liv's hand.

" _Wh-why me? Dont you see how broken I am and all the shitty things I've done in life? You...you deserve so much better than me..."_ Amanda continued to fiddle with the golden band on her left ring finger as her tears continued flowing.

"Hey, you deserve love and happiness too Amanda. To an extent, we are all just a bit broken inside... Granted we didnt get of to best start or a good start but it changed and I love you. I fell in love with you. I never thought I could or would be able to love someone again after Tucker, but I have. Someone got through my defenses and guards. Hell even I didnt think I was deserving of love from anyone except for Noah, when hes not being an asshole if I am being honest. Amanda, you make me look forward to wanting to come home each day to a house full of people. A house full of the people I love the most in the world. You have brought that extra to my life, well you, Jesse and now little Billie. I didnt think I would ever find that again and I did. Do I think I rushed into this with you? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. I love you, Amanda."

Amanda was speechless as she looks at Olivia. All she could bring herself to do was kiss her. She poured all her love, soul and admiration into this kiss. _"I love you.."_ She murmurs into the kiss. _"I love you so damn much Liv."_ Soon they were interrupted by a knock at the door. Amanda wiped her tears away as Liv got up to answer the door. "Um, hello?" She says to the man standing at the doorway. He gave her an envelope with a blue slip attached to it, " **You have been served,** " then he walked away. Olivia shook her head, shut the door and Amanda walked over to her. "What?" Amanda asked. Olivia shrugged her shoulders "I dont know..." She opened the envelope and read it.

 _"Dr. Al Pollack has filed a motion in family court for custody of his daughter with NYPD Detective Amanda Rollins."_ Olivia read aloud. Amanda literally collapsed to the floor and broke down as she screamed. " ** _No, I will not allow my daughter anywhere near that abusive prick."_** She spat out with pure hatred. Liv had to reassure her and get her calmed down before she woke up Billie. "Calm down babe... He wont get her. I promise."

 ** _Feed back is welcome. What do you think Liv will do? Shes not gonna put up with this from Al._**


End file.
